marriage counseling – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“My Therapist Says Divorce!” – Listener Question

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg June 19, 2019 June 10, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 19, 2019

“In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it,” Claire wrote.

I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.)

Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapist turned to Claire and announced that the marriage was over and she needed to accept it.

Claire was shocked. No efforts to work on the relationship. No discussion on what might be possible. Just a declaration that the marriage was over… not from her husband, but from the therapist!

I only wish this was the first time to have heard pretty much the same story… but I have heard it over and over. Does a therapist have a right to announce that divorce is inevitable? Should a therapist work on the relationship first?

Let’s talk about 3 dangers that come up for therapy… and what to do about them.

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3 Problems With Marital Therapy (That Therapists Won’t Tell You)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 3, 2016

Let me say it here, in writing: I am NOT opposed to marital therapy. I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now. I am concerned about the effectiveness of marital therapy. And I am concerned for people who blindly seek out marital therapy, expecting it to help.

If you don’t know it, my training and background is as a marriage and family therapist. I spent years, and several degrees, preparing to be a marriage therapist.

And I was pretty disillusioned to see how ineffective marital therapy, overall, has been shown to be. Statistics are about the bigger view, not the specific therapist with a specific couple. But from the overall view, according to meta analysis of studies, about 75% of people who go to marital therapy still divorce. Only around 10-15% report a positive help.

Now, you see my issues. Why, if this is the primary way of helping a marriage, is it so ineffective? Three reasons: 1) Therapist training, 2) Therapist orientation, 3) Client resistance.

Listen in to this podcast to understand the issues. Then, you can make a better choice about whether therapy makes sense, how to find a good therapist, and how to make sure you and your spouse are truly ready for therapy.

(And if you aren’t, that doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do! That is why I created the Save The Marriage System, and why we offer Relationship Coaching.)

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Top 5 Things Your Marriage Therapist Will Not Tell You [Save The Marriage Podcast]

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 3, 2013

In this podcast, I tackle the top 5 things a marriage therapist will not tell you. If you are in therapy, considering therapy, or have tried therapy, please listen!

Here are the Top 5 Things Your Marriage Therapist Will Not Tell You:

5) Marriage therapy is not effective (let me tell you why).

4) Your marriage therapist may not have the training (let me explain the training that is missing).

3) The real issue is NOT communication (although many therapists focus solely on this).