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mental model

Try A NEW Marriage Model!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Find a new model of marriage.We all have ideas, “mental models,” of what things are and how things work.  Those models tend to change over time, both throughout history in in your own life.

A great example is marriage.  Did you know that several millennia back, a marriage was a property transfer?  A man needed help, a wife and kids.  So, the man made a deal with another family, paying that family a “dowry” for that woman.  She (and the kids) was property.

Did you know that same model is still true in some areas of the world?

If you are reading this, that is not likely to be your model of marriage.  Over time, western culture has shifted through several other models of marriage.  Some were utilitarian — a marriage was designed to be a place to have a family and be secure.  Some were more about companionship — to have someone by your side, throughout a lifetime.

More recently, we have arrived at what some relationship theorists have called the “self-expressive marriage.”  We live in a self-expressive world, where if you feel it, you do it.  Follow your passions.

Let me be very clear:  I am all for personal growth.  I am all for a fully engaged and fulfilling relationship.  Unfortunately, we have taken this “self-expressive marriage” and turned it into “self-gratifying marriage.”

There is a vital shift that seems to happen shortly after marriage for many couples.  You probably married because you wanted to show your spouse how deeply you loved him/her.  Many couples (how about you?) then make a subtle shift, asking “How are you showing me you love me?”  Said slightly more cynically, that amounts to “What are YOU doing for ME?”  Thus, the self-gratifying marriage, and one major side-effect:  when it is no longer gratifying, it is time to leave.

New mindset leads to new results.Is there, perhaps, another model for marriage?

Yep.  Marriage can be the stage for growth, relationally and personally, when we take that on.  Life is all about growing — or stagnating.  Are you growing?  Is your relationship growing?

Learn more about the new model in this week’s podcast (Listen Below).

 

RELATED RESOURCES:
3 Steps To Saving Your Marriage
Marriage Is A WE
Save The Marriage System
Save The Marriage VIP (If you have the System)

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What’s YOUR Model of Marriage?: #56 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Mental models.  We all have them.  It can help us make sense of the world. . . and keep us stuck.  Every mental model is really a shortcut in understanding reality.

A mental model is simply a way we understand something.  Politics are a mental model.  Each political view has a certain viewpoint on many topics and issues.  But given the wide array of political views, it would appear that each viewpoint has shortcomings — information that is missing or ignored.

The same is true throughout our lives.  Every mental model we have gives us both strengths and weaknesses.  And we rarely examine why those models are there, or where they come from.

Where did YOU learn about marriage?Take, for example, your model of marriage.  Where did YOUR understanding of marriage come from?  Mostly likely, it has a great deal to do with the marriage you saw as you were growing up.

Many of us grew up with the “tough it out” or “screw it, I’m out” models of marriage.  The lessons learned by watching these two models can keep us stuck and limit our possibility for change in marriage.

Are you ready to make a shift in your mental model?  Allow me to offer yet another model.  I think you will find my model has more potential than either of the other two models.

In this week’s podcast, I cover the 3 models and give you help in making the shift.  Let me know what model you had growing up, and how you are changing it now.  Just leave a comment in the area below.

If you are ready for a new model, but are not quite sure how to get there, please grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.

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