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new years

‘Tis The Season. . . For Divorce Attorneys!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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The Holidays are upon us — mostly regardless of your heritage, beliefs, or nationality! It seems that this month converges everyone in some holiday. And just around the corner is the new year!

Why would I start with that in a blog on marriage? Because it is not JUST the season of holidays. It is the season of a building storm! You see, in the United States between Thanksgiving and New Years, activities begin to grind to a halt. “Normal” life is put on hold, and people “hunker down” to make it through — especially if there are problems!

Who wants to stir up troubles during this time of the year? Most people who see a problem decide to put it off.

Unfortunately, many spouses assume that since someone is not talking about the problem, there is no problem.

But here is the truth: come the first week of January, there will be one happy group of people — divorce attorneys! People will fill their offices in the first week of January. In fact, there is a spike in divorce filings throughout January.

It happens for a couple of reasons. First, there is a buildup of people who have put it off over the holidays. Second, the first of the year marks new beginnings. People with problems decide to take action.

My hope is you don’t fatten the pockets of the divorce business. If there were problems before the holidays, they are still there! Take these next few weeks to begin building a framework of healing. But don’t wait until January to get started! The attorneys are waiting!

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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HERE.

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., is the author of the bestselling relationship ebook, Save The Marriage. It is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com .
New Year’s Resolutions For Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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I remember when I was back in school. At the end of each semester, I was so tired of that class, and just ready to move on. During college, it probably had something to do with being ready to leave behind the classes where I had maxed out my skips!

In any event, it was always nice to have a fresh start. I think that really is why we like New Year’s Day. It marks the start of something fresh.

And something fresh only becomes something useful when we are intentional. So, every year, I make a few resolutions. Not too many. Then, they don’t fall away. And I really try to keep them.

You are probably familiar with those resolutions that people make, then let fall away within a couple of weeks. The gyms are full on the 2nd, and empty by the 20th. My secret: I make sure I can see them everyday. I post them for myself to see, and remind myself of them.

This year, my resolutions are:
5) Focus on being more grateful.
4) Express that gratitude.
3) Avoid surrounding myself with negativity.
2) So that I can be more positive.
. . . and my biggy:
1) Finish my book on thriving!

Now, how about you? Specifically, what are your resolutions about your marriage? How will YOU be different during the next year to improve your marriage?

This is what I really like about resolutions — they can’t be about what someone else should do. And that is what we often get into when we think about marriage. We think about how our spouse ought to be different. A resolution puts it back into YOUR court! How will YOU be different?

Remember me back in school? I didn’t make it a fresh start by leaving school. I just made it a fresh start by taking another class, opening another chapter in life. I still had to deal with my grade-point average, so it was not just leaving everything behind. It was just a new start.

It is the same with your marriage resolution. Don’t think that your resolution is a fresh start without the marriage, without a past. Instead, make a mark in the sand. Decide you will move forward and leave what has happened behind. Move forward.

Some hints about your resolution:

  • Be specific.
  • Figure out how you will measure it.
  • Make sure it is about you.
  • Put it somewhere you will see it EVERY DAY!
  • Stick to it. Make it a habit.

So, what are your resolutions? Leave me a response, because when we commit in public, we are far more likely to stick with it. Write it down here. Tell us what YOU will do to make your marriage better in the coming year!

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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HERE.

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., is the author of the bestselling relationship ebook, Save The Marriage. It is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com .
Resolutions for Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

New Year’s Day has now passed. The frantic pace of the holidays is behind us. And life is beginning to return to normal. Perhaps you made some resolutions for the new year. Some may have been made in the rush of a New Year’s Eve party.

Take a moment to think about resolutions you might want to make for your marriage. I think of resolutions as an opportunity to be intentional about things. Many make intentionality a magical, mystical transformation. But I see it much more simply. When you decide to be intentional, you work toward that goal.

For example, when I decided to write a book, I became intentional about it. I began to focus my life around that goal. When I had some time, I chose not to watch TV, read a book, or divert myself in some other way. Instead, I took the time to write my book. In that way, my intention of writing a book became an actuality. The intention led to action.

When you become intentional about making some changes in your marriage, you begin to reorganize your life around that resolution. This can lead to great changes.

But when you consider the resolutions, don’t aim for too many shifts. Aim for 1, 2 and no more than 3 items to focus your attention upon. Make sure they are items you can accomplish and act upon. But don’t start with large items.

Small shifts can lead to bigger shifts. It is the ripple effect, like throwing a rock into a pond. Several years back, I found myself out of shape and feeling bad. I made a decision to jog a little. When I did that, the ripples began. When I chose to eat, I was a little more careful, not wanting to ruin my jogging effort. As I ate better, I became aware of how many soft drinks I was drinking, and I cut back on that. Then, I realized how much caffeine I was drinking, so I changed that. By then, I was up to running more. The ripple effect continued. Last year, I ran a trail marathon, all the ripple effect of jogging a little!

So, make a resolution to change your marriage. Become intentional about making your marriage better, and find 1 to 3 specific items you can do to make a difference, then put your mind to it!

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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, available by CLICKING HERE.

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D., is the author of the bestselling relationship ebook, Save The Marriage. It is available at http://www.savethemarriage.com .