recovering from infidelity – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Your Questions About Infidelity, part 2

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By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 23, 2019

In the last episode, I answered questions about infidelity and marriage. Well, I started answering questions. Since I started asking for your questions, I have received quite a few about affairs and infidelity. So, I continue answering questions in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

Last episode, we focused more on what to do while there is an affair, emotional or physical.

This episode focuses a bit more on the aftermath. What do you do when the affair is ending/has ended? Especially if there is still contact!

What do you do with those thoughts and fears? What do you do about trust? How do you rebuild the relationship in the shadow of cheating? Especially if the cheating spouse is not doing what you want them to do in the recovery process?

And by the way, what’s “normal” in an upside-down reality?

We cover that and more!

Listen below for my answers to listener questions on infidelity (part 2)

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“How Long?” Trust, Trauma, and Towels

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 28, 2019

I’m still answering your questions! If you have a question you want me to cover on the podcast, just SEND ME AN EMAIL HERE.

Today, we cover “time.” Or more specifically, “How Long?” The questions come from 2 listeners, “B” and “J.”

B asked about how long it takes to recover from broken trust. He follows up with wondering about PTSD symptoms and breaking trust. If your relationship suffers from broken trust, I cover the issue of healing time… and what you can do about that time.

I also go into some discussion about trust and trauma, to make sure you understand how that might affect your relationship.

And J is interested in how long to keep up the efforts before you “throw in the towel.” J says that they are in a “lock.” I disagree, and I cover how to think through the stuck spot… what it means, why you might be wrong, and how to keep on moving forward.

Trauma, Time, and Towels. I cover them in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Don’t miss it! Listen below.

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Dealing with Emotional and Physical Affairs: A Special Save The Marriage Podcast

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 30, 2013

Is your marriage threatened by an emotional or physical affair?

Do you find yourself scared and unsure on how to deal with your spouse’s extramarital relationship?

Are you wondering if you can recover from infidelity in your relationship?

In this special audio podcast, I cover your plan for addressing the extra-marital relationship, whether it is physical or emotional.

Discover how to get beyond your spouse’s defenses. Find out whether or not to address the affair, whether or not to confront the other person, and whether or not to make an ultimatum.

I will also give you the 5 “don’ts” of dealing with an affair.

If infidelity, emotional or physical, is affecting your marriage, please listen to this audio.

Leave a comment below to let me know what you think. Leave any questions for future podcasts.

And HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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How To Stop An Affair: A Starting Point

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 19, 2009

How do you stop an affair? That is a frightening question for anyone in the midst of a marriage threatened by infidelity. Unfortunately, that places you in easily 1/4 of all marriages.

Yep, that’s right. The statistics show that 25% of marriages suffer an affair. And to be even more clear, the survey is focused on physical affairs.

The percentage suffering from an emotional affair is much higher. That would tell us that marriages are threatened by infidelity.

The major reason given by those who have affairs? For physical affairs, the reason given is sex. For emotional affairs, the reason given is attention.

In reality, the basis is the same. We all have a need to feel wanted, even desired. Unfortunately, this is one area that tends to fall to the side in marriages. Daily life take over the feelings of romance and passion that usually mark the beginnings of a relationship.

In fact, marriages that keep some energy on passion and connection have a much lower incident of infidelity. The need is met within the marriage.

So, what do you do if there is an affair? How do you stop an affair? Those are tough questions, and this article does not allow enough room to fully cover the issue. Let’s look at a few hints and helps.

1) Commit to working on the marriage. commit to staying together. I say “commit” because the feeling of betrayal can be so strong that you may only want to quit.

2) Focus on forgiving. This is a big topic! But to quickly put this in perspective, forgiveness is NOT giving permission. It is not letting someone “off the hook.” In fact, forgiveness is not even primarily for the other person. It is for you, so that you do not have to carry the pain around with you.

3) Take a look at where your marriage was before the affair. Had you lost contact with each other? Was the passionate part of your relationship gone? This will tell you what needs to change in order to get back on track.

4) Take responsibility for your role in where the relationship was. This is NOT taking responsibility for your spouse’s actions, but for where the marriage was.

To follow up on this, I often hear people say “I thought our marriage was fine. I don’t know why it happened.” But pushed a little harder, it is possible to find the disconnect, the lack of passion, the seeds of the affair.

Since you cannot control your spouse’s behavior, you can’t force him or her to stop the affair. But you can work to create a relationship you both would protect and treasure. That is the beginning point of how to stop an affair.

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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HERE.