safety and connection

She started the conversation by telling how she was confused… her spouse had confused her.  He said he didn’t feel safe enough to share his emotions, didn’t feel safe enough to move back into their bedroom, didn’t feel safe enough to talk through their issues.  She told me, “I have never hurt him or threatened to hurt him.  How can he feel unsafe?”

Safety (and feeling safe) is an interesting thing.  There doesn’t actually have to be a real threat in order to feel unsafe.  Our brains are always looking for a sense of threat — and it takes very little to trigger the feeling of threat.  A look, a tone… a small hint can be perceived as a real threat.

We don’t risk connecting when we feel threatened.  Connecting requires vulnerability.  And vulnerability requires a sense of safety.

Again, that is not necessarily tied to reality of threat.  So, do you (and your spouse) create spaces of safety?  Do you internally communicate safety in your relationship?

Learn why this is so important and how to do it in the Save The Marriage Podcast below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection in Marriage
Connection and Disconnection Resources
Connection or Protection
Save The Marriage System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS