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save my marriage

New Series: 10 Rules For Saving Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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In the last two days, I have heard the same thing. Once by email, once by phone. Yesterday, the email said “I don’t have much time. Can you tell me just one thing I can do to save my marriage?”

This morning, the voice on the phone said “Help! I am desperate! I don’t have time to go through all your material. Just tell me, what can I do RIGHT NOW to save my marriage?”

No, I didn’t laugh. Instead, I was sad. I always am sad when I hear about marriages in such deep trouble. But I am just as sad by the attitude that says “there has to be just ONE thing I can do to turn this around.”

Bad news: there isn’t.

Good news: there are plenty of things you CAN do.

Which led me to think: what can I do to get you some actionable information RIGHT NOW. Not one thing, but what if I can point you in the right direction with a number of small things?

Small things, added together, grow to large things. And large things can make the difference.

As Jack Canfield states, if you even take 5 whacks at a tree every day, no matter the size, one day it will fall.

With that, I decided that I would start a new series: 10 Rules For Saving Your Marriage.

These are rules I have gathered in the last quarter-century of working with couples. They apply to every situation — sometimes crucially and sometimes just enforcing the others. Violate any of the rules, though, and you will see your efforts to be limited, if not useless.

With that, let’s get working to save your marriage — not with ONE thing, but 10!

Stay tuned!

If you want to save your marriage, CLICK HERE and get started with the whole system!

Video: I Can’t Get My Spouse To Go To Therapy!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Many people think the only way that their marriage can be saved is through marital therapy.  So, when a spouse refuses to go, you might think you are out of luck in saving your marriage.  Can the marriage be saved without therapy?  Absolutely!

In fact, marriage therapy has a dismal track record!  At least 50% of couples who go to marital therapy still divorce (higher than the general population), and only 10 to 15% report any positive benefit!

Learn the truth in this video.

Video: What If My Spouse Wants A Divorce?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Has your spouse asked for a divorce?  Are you wanting to stop the divorce.  Can you save your marriage, or is it too late?  We look at these questions in this video.

My belief is that you can STILL save your marriage, but let me tell you more about that in this video.

Save The Marriage Video: Will A Midlife Crisis End My Marriage?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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So, we have a basic understanding now of what a midlife crisis really is.  But that only creates another question:  will it end your marriage?  Can the marriage be saved in the midst of a crisis?  The answer will be a challenge, but can lead to transformation of the marriage, if you heed advice on your marriage.  Stop your divorce that a midlife crisis is creating.  Watch the video.

Save The Marriage Video: What Is A MidLife Crisis?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Do you, in the midst of trying to save your marriage, suspect that your spouse is having a midlife crisis?  Many people think they know what that means, but do you really understand it?  Do you know what effect a midlife crisis can have on a marriage, creating a midlife marriage crisis?  Can this marriage be saved if the spouse is in the midst of a crisis?  Here is your “save my marriage advice” when a midlife crisis seems to be a part of the problem!

Video: Should We Stay Together For The Kids?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Nothing scares us more than what might happen to our children.  We know that divorce is tough on kids, with long-term consequences.  We also know that it is not healthy for children to live watching their parents in conflict.  So what is the answer?  Do you stay together for the kids?  Do you save your marriage just for them?  Or should you let it go?

We examine that question in this video.  The answers just might surprise you!

Video: Are We Just Too Different?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Every couple has there differences between them.  Thank goodness we are not carbon copies!  But when there are marriage problems, is it possible that two people are just too different to make it work?  Is it possible to just be so different that saving your marriage is impossible?

We explore this question in this video.

Video: When Is A Marriage Too Far Gone?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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So, you are working to save your marriage, perhaps alone.  And you begin to wonder, “is this just too far gone?”  It is a common concern, full of emotion.  Frightening to consider.  But let’s consider it.  This video will help you decide whether it is too late to save your marriage and stop a divorce.

Video: Can This Marriage Be Saved?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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For anyone asking the question, “Can this marriage be saved,” today’s video will help you determine that.  Too much marriage advice jumps in with suggestions.  I want to help you understand why you are here, and what can be done.  Then we can talk about what to do!

So, watch today’s video to help you decide if you can save your marriage.

“Can This Marriage Be Saved?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Wow!  Doesn’t that question just get to the heart of the matter?  I just got off the phone with “Gina.”  Those were the first words out of her mouth, “Can this marriage be saved?”  She continued, “I want to save my marriage, but I don’t know whether I can.”

I wish I had a crystal ball and could tell Gina.  Her husband had started legal proceedings, but she wanted to stop the divorce.  She wanted two things from me.  First, she wanted marriage advice, but she also wanted to know if it was even possible to save her marriage.

The thing is, sometimes I see marriages that I think “there is no way this marriage will be saved,” but it survives!  But sometimes, I can see no real reason why the marriage can not be saved, and the divorce can’t be stopped.  The tough part of this is that there is another person who can still choose to act, no matter what one person might do.

So I asked Gina to tell me more about her marriage, trying to help answer the question of “can my marriage be saved.”  Gina told me that there had been unfaithfulness.  She also told me they were separated.  Then she told me that there had been no intimacy in over 6 years.  Then she added that they had separate finances.  And then she continued to tell me more and more division points in their relationship.

And that is when I know that we have a real struggle on our hands.  I guess it should be self-apparent, but the more issues there are in the way, the more points of separation, the harder it is to pull it back together again.  Sometimes, the shattering is just too great.

But Gina was ready for the tough times!

She had decided, when she asked the question, “can this marriage be saved?” that my answer did not matter.  As she told me in the midst of our discussion, “I WILL save my marriage.”  There was some real spunk there!

I warned Gina that her desire to save it might waver.  I suggested that she right down her commitment to try and save her marriage, and to make a list of why she was doing it.  The list would serve her well when she had doubts.  It gave her an opportunity to remind herself about why she was doing what she was doing.

I tried to provide the marriage advice she needed to save her marriage, if it were possible.  I don’t know if she can save her marriage.  I do know this:   if she does not try, there is no hope!  At the end, regardless of the outcome, she can look in the mirror and say “I did all I could to save my marriage and stop a divorce!”

Bravo, Gina!