why is marriage difficult – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Marriage Lie #2: “Meet All of My Needs”

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg November 4, 2020 November 3, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 4, 2020

A spouse should complete you… right?

Your emotional needs, companion needs, physical needs… if your spouse is meeting them, then that is the right spouse… right?

And therefore, if your spouse isn’t meeting your needs… wrong person… right?

Wrong.

In the last episode of the podcast, I tackled the first lie of marriage, “If it’s work, it’s wrong.” In this episode, we tackle another lie, the “Meet My Needs” lie that measures whether your marriage and your spouse are right, based on them meeting your needs (never mind meeting the needs of your spouse).

First, please don’t go all “Then the opposite is true??” on me. No, I am not saying your spouse should not mean ANY of your needs.

I AM saying your spouse can’t meet ALL of your needs.

Did you say, “Of course not”? And yet, many marriages get into trouble over the needs one accuses the other of NOT meeting. If THAT needs is not getting met, THEN there is a problem. But if you extrapolate a bit, that ends up being an argument that a spouse should meet ALL the needs.

Here is the other problem: if you think they should meet all of your needs, you may also believe that those needs should just be know. After all, if you have to ask, it doesn’t feel the same… right?

Oops. Another trap. Assuming your spouse should meet all of your needs, and should know them—and how to meet them— is a recipe for misery on both parts.

So, what is the answer? Listen to this episode to find out the truth about needs and marriage.