What Is Important In Life?: Lessons from the summer

• August 5, 2011
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

Wow!  What a busy summer!  My guess is it is no different for you.  I always remember summers as a child.  The days flew by, but time slowed down.  It seemed that the world moved at a different pace.

I have been on several trips this summer, first on a mission trip with my daughter and then on a Boy Scout trip with my son.  In the meantime, my daughter went away for a language immersion program and the rest of the family took a break together on vacation.  Suddenly, I turn around and realize my blog sits without comment since May.

But all summer, I have been reflecting on what is important.  I spent my mission time in the Dominican Republic, a lush land that is quite poor.  The Scouts trip took us to the Bahamas, a harsh environment with great wealth.  And in between, I had 1 1/2 days to  clean up, rest, and fly out again.  In other words, I was in each environment within about 48 hours of each other.

There I am in the DR, meeting people who were hugging me, offering our group gifts, and seeing people in the cities and villages sitting together.  What emerged was the deep love and support of the people.  Then the Bahamas, with $20 million homes isolated on an island.  People created rules to keep others off “their” beaches.  LOTS of wealth, not so much community.

Let me be clear that these are general themes, and don’t apply to everyone.  But let me also say that although general, it was sure obvious to me.

So, what does matter?  That thick bank account, nice boat, nice car, beautiful house?  Or connection, support, relationships?

When my daughter returned from her journeys, she told us about the plaza in the village where she spent several weeks.  Everyone gathered there in the evenings, swapping stories and sitting together.  We talked about how absent that often is in the United States.  We are more likely to build fences than to sit together.

In spite of the fact that we are clearly social beings.  We are obviously made to be in relationships.

What about marriage?  How often do marriages end because a couple stopped attending to what was important:  the relationship.  Instead, they focused on gathering stuff, raising kids, chasing pursuits.

A study several years back examined spouses and communication.  It found that couples spend talking, when you take out the calendar issues and reporting on administrative issues, less than 4 minutes per day.  Go out on a date one evening and talk for 1/2 hour — you just wiped out a week’s worth of conversation!

Why do marriages find themselves in trouble?  Couples stop connecting, stop communicating, stop sharing.  Slowly, the need finds other places to be.  Then one day, they look at each other and realize the disconnection is deep.

What is important?  My vote is “relationships.”  How about your vote?