Two Pieces To the Puzzle of Saving Your Marriage

• May 15, 2012
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

Marriages fall apart in many ways.  But marriages come back through one primary path. 

So what is that path?  I will come back to it in just a moment.  First, let me tell you why marriages fall apart in so many ways.

Each way is really only a symptom of an underlying issue.  Marriages all need the same thing to stay together:  commitment and connection.  When either falters, it is only a matter of time before the symptoms start showing.  But don’t confuse symptom with cause.

Boredom?  A result of lack of connection.

Growing apart?  Same thing.

Affairs and infidelity?  Lack of commitment and connection.

Power struggles?  Same thing.

The list could go on and on.

But the path back is much easier to see.  The path back is all about connection and commitment.  But since it is likely that only you are working on it at this point, let’s focus a bit.

There are two parallel processes that need to be happening in order to pull the marriage back together.  Path 1 is about reconnecting.  But reconnection must be done carefully.  Our tendency is to overwhelm the other person with affection.  But all that creates is the reverse.  It causes people to resist, not move together.  The last thing anyone wants when they feel disconnected is pressure to connect.  If you want to use a system that has helped many to reconnect, go here.

Path 2, which you need to be doing at the same time is self-improvement.  Yep, work on yourself.

If your voice in your head is yelling “why should I have to do that?” then hang with me.  First, the obvious reason is because you are the one that wants something different.  So you are the one that takes action.

But second, let’s be honest — we ALL have room for growth.  And there is no reason to not move in that direction.  We all get lazy in life, a bit sloppy in following our life path.  And we all have the potential for being so much more than we are right now.

So why not embrace that?  Move ahead with it?

You see, your spouse is justifying why he or she needs to get out.  And they justify it based on you and your actions.  So be more than you have been become the best person you can be.  You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

Join me here if you are ready to take action on saving your marriage!