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Monthly Archives :

February 2015

The 3 C’s Of Saving Your Marriage: #80 Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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The 3 C's of saving your marriage.What you do to save your marriage is important.

But HOW you do it is crucial.

Over the years, I have coached many people to approach their efforts to save their marriage with 3 very clear mandates.

I have come to refer to these as the 3 C’s of saving your marriage.

This is not technique, but how you apply any technique.  This is not method, but how you apply any method you choose.

Violate any of the 3 C’s, and you will find it difficult to move forward.

What are the 3 C’s?

  1. Calm
  2. Constant
  3. Consistent

To learn more on how to master these 3 C’s (especially on how to approach your efforts calmly, when you are feeling fearful and anxious), listen to the audio podcast.

Links to information in the podcast:
Your Why For Saving Your Marriage
Why You Need A Plan
The Save The Marriage System
Email Me Regarding Virtual Coaching

 

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An Interview with Rhoberta Shaler: Kaizen For Couples
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Kaizen is the idea of slow, constant change.  It revolutionized the Japanese auto industry, and can be applied to your life.  You can look for those places of growth, opportunities for change.  They don’t have to be earth-shattering.  They can be gradual.

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

Today, I have the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Rhoberta Shaler.  Rhoberta has worked for over 3 decades with couples and individuals around the world.  She has expertise in high-conflict relationships, and is skilled in helping people deal with passive-aggressive behavior.

Dr. Shaler has an intimate understanding of passive-aggressive behavior, having witnessed it in her own family as a child.  This has given her empathy for people who act in passive aggressive ways, and those whom must deal with it.

More recently, Rhoberta has developed a system for couples to use, who wish to break through old patterns and form more healthy approaches to their relationship.

kaizenforcouplesIn her book, Kaizen for Couples, Rhoberta gives a full methodology of how couples can shift their patterns of interaction, to be more genuine and honest — and to better meet each other’s needs.

In our discussion together, Rhoberta and I talk about high conflict relationships, dealing with passive aggressive behavior, and how to make constant changes toward growth in a relationship — even if only one person wants to take on the shifts.

Join me as I interview Dr. Rhoberta Shaler.

 

Links mentioned in the podcast:
RelationshipHelpDoctor.com
HighConflictManagement.com
PassiveAggressiveChecklist.com

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Why You Need A PLAN To Save Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Do you have a plan to save your marriage?Do you have a plan to save your marriage?

Not an idea, floating around in your head.

But a plan.

Written down.

I have been asking this question for years, especially when someone tells me their marriage isn’t turning around.

90% tell me they DON’T have a plan.  I tell them, “that is the starting point.”

If you don’t have a plan, you don’t have a map.  If you don’t have a map, it is tough to get to where you want to get.

I know:  you have books, CD’s, DVD’s, study courses, articles, and all sorts of other information on how to save your marriage.

Information is just data.  When you take that information and process it (think and ponder about it) about your current situation, you arrive at knowledge.  Contrary to popular opinion, knowledge is not power.  It has no power until you apply it.

When you apply knowledge, and you keep applying it — learning from it and allowing it to transform you, then you arrive at wisdom!

But if you have no plan — no written plan for how you plan to save your marriage — the information is just information.  Interesting.  But not transforming.

In this week’s audio, I discuss several reasons why a written plan is so important, and how to get started on your plan.

Remember this quote, as it applies to having a plan:

Consult your plan, not your emotions.

Whenever you allow your emotions to call the shots, you will end up with those who see no change.  But when you consult your plan (you do have a plan, right?), new possibilities emerge.

Time to make a plan!

Here are the resources I mention in the podcast:
The Save The Marriage System (if you don’t have this, you need it, so you can start making your plan!)
Finding Your Why
[email protected] (If you are interested in the Virtual Coaching Program — limited availability!)

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3 Reasons Why Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 Reasons why your marriage hasn't turned around yet.

Your spouse told you your marriage was in trouble.

You responded.

You did your research, perhaps found some information, and decided to save your marriage.

Now, you are beginning to wonder, “Is this marriage ever going to improve?  Will it turn around?  Can I save my marriage?”

Sometimes, people put forth some effort and see some immediate results.  They see improvement in their relationship and in their own lives.  It seems that the marriage crisis dissipates as quickly as it descended.

But others, countless others, find this not to be the case.  They put in effort, they keep working on themselves. . . and nothing seems to be changing.

Why?

In my experience, there are 3 central reasons why a marriage has not (yet) turned around.

What if you could deal with 2 out of 3 in a straightforward way?  What if the 3rd can be addressed, even if it is far less in your control?  Would that be important information for you?

Here are the 3 reasons:

  1. The Depth of Damage
  2. No True Change in Patterns
  3. There is Someone Else

Let me tell you about these 3 reasons, and what to do in order to have the most successful outcome possible.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Save The Marriage System
Dealing With Infidelity
6 Month Experiment with Gary Chapman

 

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