April 2016 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Is Your Marriage On Life Support?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg April 27, 2016 April 11, 2016

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 27, 2016

Is your marriage on life support? You keep watching as the life slowly leaks away from your relationship. Maybe you feel powerless to turn it around. But is it too late?

When a marriage gets into trouble, there are 4 distinct levels to the crisis (this is not the same as the Stages I note in the Quick Start Guide in the System).

Here are the 4 levels:
1) Marriage Issues: This comes along early in the relationship, when the fundamentals aren’t addressed. Beliefs and expectations keep tripping up the couple.
2) Marriage Problems: Issues aren’t solved. So, now there is hurt. Then fundamentals were never solved, and issues were never solved. This leads to the hurt.
3) Marriage Crisis: The hurt from unresolved problems has led to anger and resentment. Both are feeling less motivated to do anything. Both resort to finger-pointing and blame.
4) Marriage Disaster: One or both have given up, and apathy is replacing the anger. Blame is the predominate interaction.

Sometimes, people believe that things are improving, but they are really falling into disaster. Learn the 3 reasons for this, along with what to do at each level in this week’s podcast below.

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5 Problems Plaguing Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 20, 2016

There are 5 very typical, and destructive, problems in many marriages.

And yes, these are the problems that MANY people report. Yes, they are painful and hurtful.

BUT, they are not really the problems. They are the symptoms of the problem.

Let’s call these problems the 5 C’s of marital problems, and then lets discuss how you can USE the symptomatic problem to move toward healing the REAL problem.

If you don’t deal with the underlying issue, you will be playing a long game of “Whack-A-Mole,” with problems reemerging under a different guise, but still the same issue.

Ready to learn about the problems — and what the REAL problem is? Listen below.

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Why It Matters: The Importance of Your Efforts To Save Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 13, 2016

It matters. Your efforts to save your marriage. They matter. Your desire to work things through, to find a better way for your relationship. It matters.

When you are in the midst of the struggle, it can feel horrible. You can get frustrated and discouraged, forget the reasons why you are doing it, and be ready to throw your hands up in the air in defeat.

Before you do that, let me tell you: What you are doing, IT MATTERS!

Every single day, I watch as people fight through the hurt and pain, the emotions and discouragement, to keep on working on a hurting relationship. I am in awe of that effort. It is truly courageous.

We live in a world of “disposables.” People easily discard anything. Including marriages. They fail to see the hurt, the harm that is caused by pushing it aside. They think they are taking the better, easier way. Instead, they are buying into the disposable culture — only to see the destruction in hindsight.

But you. You have chosen to stand up to that and say, “I want to save this.” It won’t be easy, but it is noble.

Let me tell you why it matters, why this is so important, in this week’s podcast.

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“Why Are We Fighting?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 6, 2016

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this? It doesn’t matter”?

I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others.

It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives. They are not the big things, but the small things. And that is the tragic part: many marriages die from a thousand nicks. It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things. In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things.

Which raises the question: WHY do we have these arguments? Why do we bicker? (Check out the podcast below)

And then, the second question: HOW to change this pattern? (Check out the podcast below)

RELATED RESOURCES:
Control
Disconnect
Problems with Therapy
VIP (IF you have the System)

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