Close
Enter your
text here
Monthly Archives :

May 2017

STOP The Fishing Expedition
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Stop the fishing expedition.You may just be on a fishing expedition, and not even realize it!

If you are trying to get your spouse to respond, trying to get some feedback from your spouse, you are on a fishing expedition!

You probably won’t attract what you want.  And you may scare away what you most want to attract.

Do you think you might be on a “fishing expedition”?  Listen in to this week’s podcast and see if you are fishing. . . and what to do if you ARE!

RELATED RESOURCE:
Gary Chapman Interview
Save The Marriage System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Dealing With Naysayers
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Dealing with naysayers and negative people when you are working to save your marriage.You’ve decided to try and save your marriage (good for you!).  But whenever you talk with family, friends, or even some professionals, they tell you to give up and walk away.

How do you keep from getting derailed by the negativity?

First, let’s be clear that they are probably well-meaning and want to be helpful.  Second, let’s be clear that many people truly believe that a broken marriage is, well, permanently broken.

After all, much of the world has never seen another option.  Many people (even professionals) do not know there is an alternative.  So, they are speaking from their knowledge and experience.

Which does not mean they are right.  Only that they are speaking from their viewpoint.

Consider the reasons behind the “advice” you are getting.  And consider your own reasons for seeking the advice.  Then, decide what you are going to do with that advice.  Does it really need to derail you?  Nope.

Let me give you some suggestions for dealing with Naysayers in this week’s podcast below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

“Help! My Spouse Doesn’t Believe I Can Change!”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

When your spouse doesn't believe you will change or have changed. What to do.You’ve been working hard to reconnect and change yourself.  You’re proud of your efforts.  But your spouse just isn’t buying.

For whatever reason (which is what I discuss in this week’s podcast), your spouse just does not trust the changes — or maybe doesn’t even see the changes!

Do you feel like you are hitting a brick wall?  Like nothing you are doing is making a difference?  Like your spouse has already judged you and won’t allow themselves to see something different?

This week, I will be discussing several reasons why your spouse isn’t willing or able to see a change.  Included are the times your spouse might acknowledge that there has been a change, but doesn’t trust that the change will last.

Does that describe your situation?  If so, please listen.  I also discuss how to shift this dynamic in your favor.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Expressive or Avoidant?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

I was discussing a situation with a client.  He told me he was confused.  His wife avoided emotions.  Except she would explode in anger.  He couldn’t figure it out.  He tended to avoid conflict, but expressed his emotions.  “What gives?”

Well, my client and his spouse are expressive and avoidant about two different things.  So, I suggested thinking about a quadrant, where there are four types of expressive behaviors.

There are two categories:  emotions and conflict.  There are two different scales:  avoidant and expressive.

“Emotions” is a category about how someone is feeling and reacting.  Happy, mad, sad, angry.  All emotions.  That some share and some avoid.

Then, there is “Conflict,” which is relational, around areas of disagreement.  There will always be conflicts in intimate relationships.  The question is how they are processed and expressed (or avoided).

The “Expressive” or “Avoidant” scales are not absolute, but a continuum from avoidant all the way to expressive.

You could be expressive in both emotions and conflicts.  You can be avoidant in emotions and conflicts.  Or you could be expressive in one, but avoidant in the other.  Which leaves us with four categories.

And it is likely that you and your spouse do not share the same square.

And if you do, you may not share the same spot on the continuum.

Let me tell you more in the podcast below.

(And if you are ready to save your marriage, please GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM.)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

How To Stay In The Game
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

How to Stay In the Game.You might feel like “tapping out,” or forfeiting, just giving up and walking away.

It can be frustrating when you are trying to save a marriage, only to get pushback from a spouse.  You are working to build the connection, working to improve yourself, and working to make a different relationship.  But it feels like two steps forward, three steps back.

How do you “stay in the game?”

Partly, it is mental.  But there are also some things you can do to help you shift perspective, keep your patience, and keep on moving forward.  Let me share some strategies on how to “Stay in the Game” in this week’s podcast.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS