April 2019 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

How Are You Showing Up?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg April 24, 2019 April 22, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 24, 2019

We all “show ourselves” in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship.

Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Other times, it might be a cold/distant presence. And still other times, it might be a needy/desperate presence.

As you may have guessed, an angry or distant or needy presence rarely serves the relationship or the improvement of a relationship.

Maybe you think you are just responding to what is coming your way… that you are just following your spouse’s lead… or the lead of the world around you.

But we all get to choose how we will Show Up.

We get to choose how we want to be, who we want to be, in all of our relationships. We don’t have to leave it to reaction or fear, resentment or hurt. We can choose how and who we will be in life.

How do YOU Show Up?

Listen for how to Show Up the way you want to!

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“Am I The Problem?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 17, 2019

Maybe your spouse has been saying, “This is ALL YOUR FAULT!” Or maybe it is just you… wondering… torturing yourself… about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem?

Let me reassure you that you are not the first person to wonder that. People search about that on my blog. People write me to ask that same question. Many people start our coaching sessions with the same question.

So, what is the truth? Are you the problem? Did you cause the problem? Does that even help the problem?

Many times, people like to look at one single point-in-time… frequently, a point that leaves them as NOT at fault. They look for a time when they can accuse someone else, blame someone else, for the situation.

And rarely is that accurate, or even fair.

Still, we all like to point the blame elsewhere.

Let’s talk about this from a couple of perspectives. One is kind of a higher level perspective, to question the concept of blame. The other is a much more practical “what do I do?” perspective. Both get us to a better place than simply asking, “Am I the problem? Am I to blame for our marriage crisis?”

Listen below as I tackle the question: “Am I the Problem?”

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WHY Even Try? (Back2Basics)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 10, 2019

You may be wondering, “Does it even matter? Should I just let this marriage go? WHY does it matter?”

Let’s start with this: It matters! A lot!

Why does it matter?

Well, the real reason why can vary from person-to-person. It is all about finding YOUR “why”, your big reason for working on it.

Here is an important hint: the BIG Why is not about fear. It is not about fearing the loss of something. It is about what saving a marriage means to you.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss 5 reasons why saving a marriage matters. Then, I walk you through a process to discover your Big WHY’s, and how to use your Why’s to keep you on track, as you work to save your marriage.

Listen below.

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What To Do To Save Your Marriage? (Part 2)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 3, 2019

We are taking Back 2 Basics! Boiling the whole marriage crisis — and turning it around — right down to the very basics. Last week, I started a 2-part session with the 3 C’s you need to do to turn things around. (FIND THE EPISODE RIGHT HERE)

This week, I discuss HOW you carry out those 3 C’s… using the 4 C’s. Think of the last episode of giving you the targets you need to address. This is HOW you address your efforts.

Many people want to save their marriage… and they even have an idea of the areas they need to address (last episode). They may be very clear about what went wrong (the first episode of this series). But then, panic sets in. And their efforts backfire. They can’t get traction. Their spouse pushes back.

It doesn’t have to be that way! There is a simple formula for you to follow (back to basics) on how you implement your plan… the plan to address those 3 targets. 4 simple guidelines… those 4 C’s, will guide you and keep you out of trouble.

After the last episode came out, a listener/reader contacted me and said, “There is no way it is that easy.” I agreed. The process is not easy. It is, however, pretty simple and straightforward… unless you complicate it unnecessarily. Sure, it seems overwhelming. But that is the reason for this series.

To break it down into the basic pieces. To give you a simple roadmap to follow. To remind you of what is most important. Those targets? The 3 C’s? Incredibly important. Those guidelines? The 4 C’s? Incredibly important.

Let’s get this process going.

Listen below.

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