June 2019 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“How Do You Deal With Bitterness And Resentment?” – Listener Question

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg June 26, 2019 June 20, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 26, 2019

.Resentment eats away at any relationship. It can destroy a marriage. Bitterness takes over and every good memory or thought is re-remembered and “bitter-ized” The foundational connection in the relationship is sapped of energy. Love and connection is slowly replaced with hate and disgust.

Can it be healed? Can you heal the resentment?

“Jared” wrote to me about his situation. It seems that his spouse has felt unappreciated for years. And even when Jared tried to change, to do better, that only threw fuel on the fire.

Instead of healing, the resentment seemed to grow.

So, Jared asked me, “How do you deal with long term bitterness and resentment?”

Maybe your particular situation and details are different. But anger and resentment (and the ensuing bitterness) affects many marriages. Troubled marriages are always hurting marriages, which comes out in anger and bitterness.

Can anything be done? Is there a path toward healing?

I cover the situation and the hope in the podcast. Listen below.

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“My Therapist Says Divorce!” – Listener Question

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 19, 2019

“In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it,” Claire wrote.

I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.)

Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapist turned to Claire and announced that the marriage was over and she needed to accept it.

Claire was shocked. No efforts to work on the relationship. No discussion on what might be possible. Just a declaration that the marriage was over… not from her husband, but from the therapist!

I only wish this was the first time to have heard pretty much the same story… but I have heard it over and over. Does a therapist have a right to announce that divorce is inevitable? Should a therapist work on the relationship first?

Let’s talk about 3 dangers that come up for therapy… and what to do about them.

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“What IS Connection??” – Listener Question

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 12, 2019

Do you have a question you want answered about marriage, marital problems, relationship issues, and how to save your marriage? Send an email and ask your question. If it is something that would benefit others, I will answer it in a future podcast episode!

If you are a regular listener of the Save The Marriage Podcast, you know how often I discuss “connection,” the importance of it and the dangers of disconnection. But do you know what I mean when I say, “connection”?

Chad didn’t. So, he asked.

Sometimes, we can get pretty far down the path on a plan, but forget the basics, the fundamentals.

And connection is an absolutely crucial fundamental. Broken marriages are disconnected marriages. Healthy marriages are connected. The disconnection is the path to failure. And… no surprise… connection is the path to health and healing.

In our disconnected world, in our busy world, connection is often lost. Not on purpose, but lost nonetheless. And while it may have seemed effortless in the beginning, if you don’t understand what you are trying to do, you can get lost and confused.

In this episode of the podcast, I answer Chad’s question: “What IS connection??” (It just might answer your question, too.)

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Why Pause Is A Problem

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 5, 2019

The Pause Button. You didn’t know you hit it. But you probably did.

“We’ll get back to each other after the kids/ promotion/ travels/ hobbies/ events/ friends… (well, you get the idea).”

AFTER life, we will get back to love.

There is only one problem. Relationships are either growing or receding, strengthening or weakening.

There IS no pause.

When you hit the Pause-Button, you are… even without realizing it… choosing the path of disconnection.

Then, when you go to UN-pause, you look at each other, strangers. Disconnected.

In this episode of the podcast, I tell you why pause is such a problem, and point you to a path back.

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