September 2019 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“Why Should I Try? Don’t Tell Me What To Do!”

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg September 25, 2019 September 9, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 25, 2019

Jared was a bit more pointed in his question. But to be fair, I HAVE been asking for people to submit questions. And he did.

He told me straight up, “You tell me to connect with my spouse. Well, I’ve been trying to do that. If I’ve been trying and it isn’t working, what are you gonna teach me that will make a difference?”

Fair question.

So I responded to it in this episode of the podcast.

Jared continues on about my “Easy” approach to saving a marriage. So, just to clarify here and in my podcast, I never said “Easy.” I did say “Simple.” Many things are simple, but not easy. Never confuse the two. My attempt is to simplify the process, so that you do not get overwhelmed. This is not some “self-working, no effort necessary” approach. Anyone who claims to have that is simply lying.

On the other hand, I think I can clarify and simplify the process, so that you know exactly what to do.

But I tell you why in the podcast.

And no, Jared, you don not “have” to do anything. But if you want to do something to work on your marriage, I am here to help. So, let’s talk. First, listen to the episode below for my response to your question.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Moving Forward… One Way or The Other…

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 18, 2019

“I need some encouragement,” the note ended. The writer is a listener of my podcast and admitted the hard work that has gone into trying to save his marriage.

At the same time, another listener asked about whether this effort — the work to save her marriage — was just a “waste of time.” Could I, the writer wanted to know, point to some hope? Some reason to continue the efforts.

If you haven’t felt like these two writers, I’d be surprised. And would be super-surprised if it did not emerge at some point in the process.

Working on a marriage crisis can feel like a slow slog through a deep bog, hip-high in quicksand and sludge. It can feel like it threatens to pull you under.

Those are the times we need some encouragement and direction. Some… as one asked… hope, and as the other asked… encouragement.

I don’t believe in false hope. I tell it like it is… and encourage you to take the steps you need to take. I shoot straight and tell the truth. So, first, let me say that I do not (and have never) claim that every marriage can be saved. Even if you do everything right, your spouse may still refuse to move toward the relationship.

I also know that there are two good outcomes. First is to save your marriage. Second is to rest assured that you did everything you could do to save your marriage.

My encouragement: There is one way through this. And that is THROUGH this. Regardless of outcome, YOU WILL BE OK. And YOU get to choose how you respond to this and every other challenge in life. So respond the best you can. Do your best. Rest in that knowledge.

Oh, and make sure you prepare yourself to do your best. Equip and execute. You’ve GOT this!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Depression And Your Marriage Crisis

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 11, 2019

Lately on the podcast, I have been answering listener questions. And quite a few have come in about how depression affects a marriage. Does depression cause a crisis? Or do people get depressed because of the crisis? Or… and this is more central to the question… how do you deal with depression and a marriage crisis?

Depression is a reality for many people. And depression is a part of a marriage crisis many times.

The question is how you move through both crises: depression and a marriage crisis.

In this podcast, I discuss the effects of depression, some thoughts about causation, and how to deal with the depression while addressing the relationship crisis.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

The Affair… and The Aftermath

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 4, 2019

Question: does an affair cause marital problems or do marital problems cause affairs?

Answer: YES.

Longer answer: for the majority of affairs, weak points in the marriage create a vulnerability to infidelity. There is another necessary element… but problems do cause vulnerability. But when infidelity is committed, the problem deepens. Affairs end up creating both a personal and a marital crisis… often for both spouses.

And then, there is the aftermath… what comes AFTER the affair is ended.

In this episode of the podcast, I tackle two submitted questions:

“What causes an affair? Why did it happen in OUR marriage?”

and

“What is the typical aftermath in an affair for the spouse who broke it off?”

In these two cases, the questions are not academic. They are wound up in the marital crisis that is unwinding… or stuck… and infidelity is a major issue.

If you are in the midst of a marital crisis, your relationship could be vulnerable… and if your spouse (or you) has committed infidelity, this can help you understand what might happen when the affair is ended.

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS