June 2021 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Too Self-Centered for Your Marriage?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg June 30, 2021 June 29, 2021

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 30, 2021

“You are just too selfish and self-centered. That is why we have marriage problems.” Have you heard that before?

A listener is wondering if she is too self-centered for her marriage. I am guessing that her spouse has told her just that. Maybe even said she is selfish.

It is always interesting when I hear this accusation in my office… from both people! At the same time!

Both accuse the other of causing the problems because they are too selfish and self-centered.

To be clear, it is entirely possible to be self-centered and selfish… certainly completely out of balance with what is healthy. And it is possible to be accused of that, but it is really something else.

Let’s talk about your perspective, what it might mean to be “selfish,” and when it might be a problem (along with when it might actually be another problem).

Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

The Spouse Predicament

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 23, 2021

It’s a predicament, isn’t it? It would be so much easier to save your marriage… if it weren’t for that pesky spouse. (I jest, but you might actually feel this way.)

You make an effort, your spouse resists. You take a step forward, your spouse takes a step backward… and tries to drag you back, too!

What DO you do? When your spouse is so convinced that nothing can change.

Or maybe when your spouse starts to see some possibility… and you don’t know what to do, what to share, how to help.

Quite the predicament, isn’t it?

It certainly is for Lauren and Kristine. They both emailed me questions for the podcast. Seemingly from different places in the process. But both were stuck on the Spouse Predicament.

Lauren has a spouse who cannot see a way forward, and resists every effort. Is he being selfish? Should Lauren feel shame that she keeps trying… in spite of his resistance?

And Kristine is still stuck in the predicament. But her spouse is seeing a possibility, a glimmer of hope. How does Kristine avoid putting out the spark? How much info to share?

The Spouse Predicament. More closely aligned than it might seem.

We work to resolve the predicament on the podcast. Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Slow Slide, Then All At Once

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 16, 2021

I’ve seen it so many times. A marriage is slowly, slowly, slowly moving apart. Then, suddenly, it is ending! Slowly, then all at once.

A recent survey from a divorce attorney group showed the central dynamic of marriages ending: they slowly drifted apart.

You may not need a survey to tell you about this threat. I sure didn’t. I’ve seen it over and over. Nothing drastic or sudden. Just slowly disconnecting. Slowly drifting apart. And slowly failing.

Maybe you hit the Pause Button… and didn’t know how dangerous that can be!

Maybe it was easier to just ignore the little issues… the ones that are much larger in the face of disconnection.

But either way, the ending of a marriage just starts slowly, imperceptibly… until one person finally “can’t do it anymore.” And then, the crisis is deep. Deeper than you knew.

How does it work? I cover it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

How to NOT Save Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 9, 2021

Are there things that you do that might KEEP you from saving your marriage?

Yes.

These are pretty common actions people take, not knowing that they are doing MORE damage, and making it even MORE difficult to save their marriage.

I wanted to cover these 10 ways you can mess up on saving your marriage, not to point out any mistakes, but to help you avoid and prevent those mistakes.

And if you have already made those mistakes, then start where you are. Just be sure not to fall back into the same traps and mistakes that likely got you here.

Take a listen below and let me know if you have something to add to the list!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Save The Marriage ARC

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 2, 2021

Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shift. My System on saving a marriage is the same path to having a thriving marriage. In fact, my focus from the beginning was on how to have a thriving life in all areas of living — including in marriage.

Which means that there are many cross-over points between how we thrive and how we save a marriage.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss three anchors of Thrive Principles that can help you address the issues in your marriage.

These three principles can help you save your marriage. Just remember the acronym, ARC.

Acceptance
Responsibility
Control

Use these three principles as you work to save your marriage.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS