November 2023

Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right?  Yes, your marriage is in crisis.  But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, and somehow shift their thinking, then you can save your marriage.  Right?

Not so fast.

Usually, all of the above leads to more resistance.  Not less.  It does not lead to connection and healing, but more stand-off.  More insistence that nothing can be done.  That the marriage is beyond repair.  And that the only solution is dissolution.

So, if begging, arguing, convincing, and cajoling won’t work, what will?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we explore the concept of force, and how to shift it toward your goal of saving your marriage.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Don’t Convince
Working on Connection
Book:  Beyond The 3 Barriers
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
Save The Marriage System

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There is a paradox I have seen over and over again.  And it threatens a marriage.  The expectations can sure get in the way.  But it seems to be the inverse correlation with attention that really causes a problem.  Here is a video to tell you more:

When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy.  When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “merry and bright” of a mythic holiday.

And here we are, on the cusp of the Holiday season!  It cuts across nations and beliefs.  The season is here.

A client recently told me, “I just want to crawl into bed and get up on January 2nd.”

What a loss!  No chance to find the deeper meaning of the Holidays.  No chance at connection, re-connection, and healing.

Her real desire was to avoid pain.  But her solution did more than avoiding pain.  It avoided life, and all it offered.

My suggestion:  deal with the heavy Holidays in a way that brings depth, connection, and healing, by engaging in the holiday.

I have 5 suggestions on dealing with Holidays in the midst of a marriage crisis.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Gratitude and Marriage
How Gratitude Can Transform Your Marriage
Ghosts of Marriage Past
Holidays and Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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People make mistakes every day — all through life.

And people ABSOLUTELY make mistakes when they are trying to save their marriage!

That shouldn’t be a surprise.  First, most people don’t really know what TO do… so they aren’t sure what NOT to do.  Second, your emotions are running wild.

That combo is a recipe for disaster.

Does making a mistake ruin your chances?

Nope.

But it does make the work harder, the climb steeper.

Which is why I just made a video for you, so you can avoid 5 common mistakes people make.

Here is the video for you:

Sounds so philosophical, doesn’t it?  Your “created past.”  What is that?

We all do it.  We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us.  When someone is kind and loving, we think back on the other loving times.

When a couple is connected, they remember connection.  When they are disconnected, they remember disconnection.

We rewrite the past, based on the present situation.  Usually, we just think about how the past led to the present. But where we are forms what we think about where we have been.

If you are wondering why your spouse can’t remember the happier times, can’t remember the passion, can’t remember the connection, this is it.  The memories are being selected and created based on the current pain and disconnection.

Let’s talk more about this in the podcast below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Connection And Marriage
Perceptions In Marriage
Fears In Marriage
Restore Your Marriage

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Phil asked, “How do you know you are making progress?”  And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked, “how long is long enough to be trying before it is unhealthy for me.”

Those are two great, if somewhat polarized, questions.  They point to fears of not being able to save a relationship.  What to look for?  And what to do if those signs are not there?

This can be a bit like staring into the crystal ball… or asking the magic mirror.  But these are such important questions that I wanted to answer Phil’s questions… at least as much as I can.  There are lots of dynamics and subtleties to a marriage and a spouse, it can be hard to be precise.

But I want to discuss some signs to look for, both in when there is progress and when it is becoming unhealthy.

Listen in for details in this episode of the podcast.

RELATED RESOURCES
Confusion or Connection
Showing Up
Having a Plan
Spouse Is NOT The Enemy
Save The Marriage System to Guide You

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