June 2024

For many couples in a troubled marriage, their first stop is marital therapy. In fact, for many, it is almost an instinctive reaction.  Marriage problem?  Head for therapy.

How do I know?

Because I hear from them… when therapy fails.  Which is, unfortunately, fairly often.

Why?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I give you a little “inside information” on the factors that determine success or failure in marriage therapy.

Since I was trained as a marriage therapist, I have long been observing the profession.  I stepped away and shifted to relationship coaching some years ago.  But I still have my finger on the pulse of this profession.

So, let’s talk about what leads to success… and what leads to failure, when you head to marital therapy.

Just so you know….

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Top 10 Myths of Marital Therapy
What Your Therapist WON’T Tell You
Why Is It “Therapy or Bust”?
Save The Marriage System

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Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right?  Yes, your marriage is in crisis.  But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, and somehow shift their thinking, then you can save your marriage.  Right?

Not so fast.

Usually, all of the above leads to more resistance.  Not less.  It does not lead to connection and healing, but more stand-off.  More insistence that nothing can be done.  That the marriage is beyond repair.  And that the only solution is dissolution.

So, if begging, arguing, convincing, and cajoling won’t work, what will?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we explore the concept of force, and how to shift it toward your goal of saving your marriage.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Don’t Convince
Working on Connection
Book:  Beyond The 3 Barriers
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
Save The Marriage System

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On a regular basis (meaning, several times each week), I have a discussion with a client that ends in the client saying, “I can’t….”  Yes, they finish the sentence in many ways.  But the start of the sentence is my focus:  “I can’t.”

I have a colleague that responds to clients who say, “I can’t,” with “You can.”  That doesn’t quite get there, though.  At least for me, I don’t think that is the whole answer.

Over the years, I noticed that “can’t” is far more complex than we notice.

You may have heard that in other languages, there are multiple words to describe what another language would only have as a single word.  For instance, the Greek language has multiple words to say, “love.”  And at least in lore, there are many words in Inuit to say, “snow.”

There should be, in my opinion, multiple words for “can’t.”  But here we are, often with conversations ending with “I can’t.”

So, I will take it further.  In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I note four different “can’ts.”  One really, truly, is. One is really, truly, NOT. And the other two, you have to work through.

If you find yourself saying, “I can’t save my marriage,” or “I can’t change,” or “I can’t see a way,” you may want to take a listen.  You may be stuck in a “can’t” that isn’t.

Listen below!

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Certainty Trap Episode
Stuck In Negativity Episode
The Connection Compass Articles
The Save The Marriage System

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