July 2024

My approach is the 3C approach to saving your marriage.  The 3C’s are C-onnect, C-hange, and C-reate.  Connect with your spouse.  Change yourself.  Create a new path.

The first two may be more obvious… but still missed by many people.  Relationships are grown by connection, and harmed by a lack of connection.  We grow personally, when we change… and stagnate when we don’t.  But that path to create.  Where to??

I recently got an email that asked just that:  “What is the path I am building?  Where to??”

While I thought I had been clear with that, the email is a reminder that perhaps I had not been so clear.

So, let me be clear.  You are creating a new path… building a path… to WE. This is the deep and profound understanding that you and your spouse are becoming a unit, a team.  A WE.  As in, “We are in this together,” “We are a team,” “We stand together through thick and thin.”

But, since I want to be super-clear about this, I thought I would do a deep-dive in this episode of my podcast.

You can listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Immutable Laws of Living
Book:  3 Simple Steps to Saving Your Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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It is such a common demand from a spouse during a marital crisis:  “I need space!  You just need to give me space!”

Yet here I am, telling you to connect with your spouse, to rebuild the broken connection that led to the crisis.

Are they opposites?

One listener to the Save The Marriage Podcast was wondering.  Which means that others might be wondering the same thing.

Here is the problem:  When your marriage is in crisis and a spouse asks for space, if you can’t give it, your spouse will demand MORE space.  And if that is not given, your spouse will force even MORE space.  Each step causes deeper disconnection and a deeper crisis.

And yet, you know you need to fix the disconnection in order to heal the crisis.  It just seems that connecting and giving space are opposite ends.  But that is mainly because of the way you are trying to connect.  You can accidentally be crowding, not connecting.

Listen in to discover the truth about “space” and how to connect without crowding.

(And if you have questions you want answered on the podcast, CLICK HERE TO SEND THEM.)

RELATED RESOURCES
What is Space?
Why is Connection Important?
How To Stop Chasing
Taking Responsibility
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program

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In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis.

This is the point where you are aware of the crisis, the level of the crisis, and the potential threat of the crisis.  And just to let you know:  you are NOT at stage 1.  That would be Asleep.  This is the point when you are not even aware that things are in trouble.  You are blissfully unaware of — or choosing to not notice — the looming marriage crisis that is already underway.

But then you wake up to find yourself in the midst of a troubled relationship, a hurting marriage!

Your spouse may be further along the process, and your marriage may be further along the progression of the crisis.  That is independent of your own awareness of the crisis.

In this episode of the marriage crisis, I discuss the 4 stages of crisis awareness, and the 1 thing you need to do — along with some thoughts on how to/how NOT to do that very thing.

Listen in below.

RELATED RESOURCES
FACT of the Crisis
Can The Marriage Be Saved?
Why It Matters
Happy or Hurting?
Save The Marriage System

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Most people don’t come right out and say it, but they have a sneaking suspicion that they are the victim in their marital situation.  They believe they have been done wrong… more wrong than they have done.

Problem is, their spouse is believing the same thing.

Over and over, I watched as people seemed to make a mad race to be the bigger victim, each on their side of my couch, trying desperately to prove they have done all they can.  But their spouse….

It is quite a game.  Not one that either person is enjoying.  Yet both are playing.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you the rules of the game, why we play the game… and how to end the game… unless you really want to win it.  Then, you can use the information to do that… although I don’t know why you would really want to.  That game ends with 3 losers:  You, your spouse, and your marriage.

RELATED RESOURCES
NMF Syndrome
How NOT to Save Your Marriage
Being on the Same Team
Save The Marriage System

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