Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Saving your marriage is important. But not always easy. Isn’t that a truth in life, though? What is easy is rarely important. And what is important is worth the effort.

There are some things that can make your process of saving your marriage a bit more complicated though.

Not impossible.

Just more complicated.

While there are others, I cover seven different complicators in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  If you feel stuck, you may want to see if one of these complicators is tripping you up… and what to do about it!

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Stops Along The Way to Divorce
Why Connection is So Important
Can It Even Be Saved?
The Save The Marriage System

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Many people are struggling with depression.  And they find themselves in the midst of a marriage crisis. So, what does depression mean for those situations? How does depression affects a marriage.  Does depression cause a crisis? Or do people get depressed because of the crisis?  Or… and this is more central to the question… how do you deal with depression and a marriage crisis?

Depression is a reality for many people.  And depression is a part of a marriage crisis many times.

The question is how you move through both crises:  depression and a marriage crisis.

In this podcast, I discuss the effects of depression, some thoughts about causation, and how to deal with the depression while addressing the relationship crisis.

RELATED RESOURCES
Beat Depression Series
Showing Up In Marriage
Connection in Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol.  This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past.  Yep.  Christmas, with new opportunities.  Here it is:

Christmas Eve.  Chris and Holly have settled into bed.  Neither can sleep.  It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads.

Both are replaying the arguments and hurts of the past.  Neither feels connected, although both are desperate for that warm embrace each used to treasure.

What happened?  Where did their relationship fall into trouble?

Can they find their way back?

But first, they have to make it through a night of haunts, as the Ghosts of Relationship Past visit them this night.

Are they the same ghosts that haunt your relationship?  Is there a path through the pain?

Listen in as Chris and Holly face the hauntings of their relationship.

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Several podcast listeners have asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative.  Why don’t they remember the good times or see the good things? Why does it feel like they only see the negative?

Over the years, I have noticed this as a recurring and common issue in your efforts to save your marriage.  A spouse’s thoughts just stay on the negative.  Maybe thinking about what is going on now or remembering what happened then.  (Memories are just current thoughts about past events — not accurate representations of the past.)

Since this is such a common phenomenon, I thought it might be good to cover it in a podcast episode.

If your spouse is stuck in the negative (or you find yourself stuck in the negative), let’s look at the reasons it happens… and what you can do about it!

RELATED RESOURCES
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps (I have a chapter on changing limiting beliefs)
How’s Your Attitude?
Hope and Stockdale Paradox
Where To Focus
“The Last Straw”
Going Pro
Program: Save The Marriage

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“A” has been trying to set boundaries with her husband.  Trying to get the treatment she deserves.  Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot.

But then, her spouse throws a little shade her way… rolling eyes, using a demeaning tone.  What should she do to set a boundary on that?, she asks

In this case, A has a good hold on what to do when, say, her spouse raises his voice or calls her names.  But what about those less-clear actions — using a “you’re so stupid” tone (note that this requires you to read a tone… not always a good thing to try).

Sometimes, boundaries are clear.  You know how to set them.  I even have a whole chapter on it in the primary module of Save The Marriage System.

But when it is more subtle… a little harder to pin down.  And a little harder to call someone on.  What about that?

I cover it in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries and Control
Healing Hurt
Expectations and Agreements
Conflict
Save The Marriage System

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Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right?  Yes, your marriage is in crisis.  But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, and somehow shift their thinking, then you can save your marriage.  Right?

Not so fast.

Usually, all of the above leads to more resistance.  Not less.  It does not lead to connection and healing, but more stand-off.  More insistence that nothing can be done.  That the marriage is beyond repair.  And that the only solution is dissolution.

So, if begging, arguing, convincing, and cajoling won’t work, what will?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we explore the concept of force, and how to shift it toward your goal of saving your marriage.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Don’t Convince
Working on Connection
Book:  Beyond The 3 Barriers
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
Save The Marriage System

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There is a paradox I have seen over and over again.  And it threatens a marriage.  The expectations can sure get in the way.  But it seems to be the inverse correlation with attention that really causes a problem.  Here is a video to tell you more: