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Save Your Marriage Podcast

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Is It Too Late To Save Your Marriage? How To Know: #31 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to save your marriage. Should you quit or keep trying?How do you know whether to keep trying or to give up?  Why are some marriages impossible to save, while others just require more effort?  Are there factors that make a marriage harder to save than others?  Is there a time to stop trying?

I hear these questions every week, as people try to decide whether to keep up the effort or if it is just too late, and if they are too tired.

Let’s be very clear:  some marriages cannot be saved.  It has nothing to do with your efforts.  Perhaps the damage is too great or perhaps a spouse just cannot see the possibility.

There are some common reasons that make a marriage more difficult to save.  In this podcast, I discuss 5 complicators, so you know what you are up against. I also discuss why you might be feeling the need to give up, and how to decide if it is a good reason or not.

Take a listen and tell me what you think in the comments below!

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4 Mindset Shifts To Save Your Marriage: #30 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Take action to save your marriage.Your “mindset” is how you think about your world.  For the most part, a mindset is hidden from you. . . which is why it is a problem.  If you believe that you can or can’t do something, part of the issue is your mindset — especially if you think you can’t.

Do you find yourself stuck, unable to move forward with saving your marriage because you are not even sure if it is possible?  Or perhaps you are caught by a mindset of inaction.  You know you need to do something, but you do nothing.  Maybe you find yourself caught in “research mode,” looking for more info, but doing nothing.  Or do you find yourself scared to do anything, afraid it might not work and you might fail?

That’s all about your mindset!  And your mindset is something you can change.  In fact, there are several ways you can shift your mindset.

In this week’s podcast, I discuss 4 simple ways you can shift your thinking, which will shift your mindset, which will let you do what you need to do:  Save Your Marriage!

Let me know what you think.  Are there other ways you shift your own mindset?  Use the comments are below to let me know.

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Do You Give Your Spouse YOUR Stamp Of Approval?: #29 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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how to validate your spouse and save your marriagePeople are quirky.  We all have strange and interesting habits and interests.  No two people are alike.

Yet all of us crave one thing:  validation and approval.  We did it in high school (“I am SO different, along with everyone else”) and we do it through adulthood.

In fact, one of the aphrodisiacs of a relationship is feeling validated, approved, and accepted by the other person.

Does YOUR spouse feel validated and accepted?

In this week’s save your marriage podcast, discover how this can make or break a relationship.  Hear the 6 traps that may keep your spouse from feeling validated — and what to do about it!

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Why Your Balance Book Marriage Will Fail: #28 Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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save your marriage without a balance bookYou can say it many ways:  “keeping score,” “tit-for-tat,” “keeping a ledger,” “looking for the balance book.”  If you run your marriage that way, you are headed for trouble.

Problem is, it is perfectly human to make this mistake.  And in the midst of a marriage crisis, more likely.

Are you asking, “why am I putting in more than my spouse?” you are playing the ledger game. If you have pronounced to yourself, your spouse, or your friends, “I will not do anything more until he or she does,” you are playing with a balance book.

Unfortunately, I can tell you the outcome:  marriage failure.  More marriages die from a “Cold War” than from a “Hot War.”

But there is another option.  Listen to this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast to discover the secret to a “ledger-free” marriage.

Have you played the game?  Let me know how, and how you are changing it in the comments area below.

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What About Trust?: Restoring And Rebuilding — #27
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to rebuild trust and save your marriage.It seems that every single day, and sometimes several times a day, I get an email asking a question about trust:  “How do I rebuild trust after doing something wrong?” and “How do I trust this person after what he/she did?”

Trust, it seems, is a bit more complicated than first glance would indicate.

I believe that trust is a gift.  Sometimes, it is a gift made to expensive, and other times it is a gift made too cheap.  But in the end, it is easier to maintain trust than restore trust.

But what do you do if the trust has been destroyed?  Can it be rebuilt?

In today’s podcast, I take a look at why trust trips us up, why some people have issues with trust, and how to go about rebuilding trust.

Take a listen and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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5 Rules For Apologizing: #26 Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How To Save Your Marriage and ApologizeApologies.  We all do it — but do we do it right?

I remember being held by the scruff of my neck, forced to apologize to my brother.  I was neither apologetic nor conciliatory.  I was, however, captive.  So I apologized.

It was a good idea.  It is just that my heart wasn’t in it.

And sometimes, even when we mean it, we mess it up, just because of how we do an apology.

In this week’s podcast, we take a look at apologies and how to offer one.  This is a good follow up to the podcast on forgiveness.

Let me propose 5 rules for giving an apology and why an apology is so important.

What rules would you add?  What points did I miss?  Please leave a comment below.

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Frustrated and Ready To Give Up? Don’t!: #25, Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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how to save your marriage when you are frustrated and want to give up.Just the other day, “Sue” wrote me to tell me she was ready to quit.  She told me that her husband had been involved in an emotional affair, and she discovered the emails.  When confronted, her husband told Sue that he did not love Sue and had been unhappy for years.

Sue decided to take matters in her own hands and save her marriage.  She changed herself and worked on improving the connection with her husband.  In fact, Sue went into “overdrive” in her efforts.  Several weeks in, she was exhausted, hurt and scared.  Her husband told her that he saw the efforts, but it was too late.

In her email, Sue told me she was ready to give up, but wanted to know what I thought.  She asked, “do I have a snowball’s chance in hell of saving this?”  Unfortunately, I don’t have a crystal ball.

But I do know this:  Sue was at a very normal, very predictable stage in the process of a marriage crisis.  In this audio, I will tell you the stages, and will also tell you one more thing:  sometimes people give up just before a breakthrough.  Sometimes, the resistance and frustration is highest just before a shift — but people either give up or try to force it.

Do you want to know the secret on what to do?  Take a listen to the audio.

Then let me know what you think in the comments area below!

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Stop Trying To Convince!: Episode 24, Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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save your marriage, no begging, pleading, convincingDo you find yourself trying to convince your spouse to work on the relationship?

Do you try logic and rational facts to “help” your spouse see your point?

Do you find yourself begging and pleading, trying to get your spouse to change his or her mind?

Do you notice that these strategies fail?  Do you notice that many times, when you try to convince, when you argue, beg and plead, that you actually lose ground?

Let’s talk about why this happens, why your spouse is resisting, and how you can do it differently.

Please listen to this week’s podcast and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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“Why Should I Forgive?” — Podcast #23, Save The Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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canyouforgiveorwillyoustaystucksaveyourmarriageIn last week’s article on New Year resolutions to save your marriage, I started with “forgive more.”  That struck a nerve.  Some people loved it. . . but many sent me letters asking, “why should I have to forgive?”  Ironically, my point was that forgiving frees the forgiver.

After the first couple of emails, I began to notice that perhaps I needed to clarify.  So, I tackle forgiveness in-depth for this week’s podcast.  In fact, I give you a 6 step process of how to forgive.  But of course, this is only helpful if you think you want to forgive.  I start the podcast by clarifying what I mean by forgiveness, and why I think it is so important.  (Hint:  not forgiving is like having a systemic infection that will eat away at the rest of your life.)

The catch is, as C.S. Lewis said, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”  When we have been injured, the idea of forgiving is not philosophical, and it can feel overwhelming.

Join me as we explore why to forgive and ways to forgive.

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

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Mastering the Holidays When Your Relationship Hurts: Save The Marriage Podcast #22
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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dontletrelationshipproblemsruinyourholidayThe Holidays are stressful.  Even under the best of times, we can find ourselves stressed and down.  But when a relationship is in trouble, the pressure can feel overwhelming.

But it doesn’t have to be.  Don’t lose the Holidays.  Take back the meaning of the holidays and discover your reserve of strength.

Regardless of what is happening in your world, this season of Holidays can be fulfilling and meaningful.

Join me for the Save The Marriage Podcast to learn how to recover your celebration and holiday.

Let me know in the comments area below how YOU are Holy-daying, in spite of life circumstances!

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