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Secrets To Save Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How To Save Your MarriageAs you may suspect, after a quarter century of working with couples, I have some opinions on what it takes to save your marriage. In this article, I want to take a look at some of the research and offer some opinion, from my experience, on what works and what doesn’t.

Let me start by saying there is one major distinction between marriages that are saved and marriages that end: ALL of the marriages that are saved have someone who took action.

Just for clarity and disclaimer information — I am not under the delusion that every marriage can be saved. But I do believe that many more marriages could survive and flourish, if given the chance.

But often, a spouse doesn’t want divorce, but doesn’t know what to do. So, the spouse starts on a process of education. He or she reads, listens, watches, and learns. . . and then does nothing to change the relationship. Knowledge is only power when it is applied.

Then there are those that find lots of information — and some of it is conflicting. So they start in one direction, then read something else and start in another direction, then hear something and head off in another direction. Instead of doing nothing, they do everything!

The person who does nothing is showing the spouse that he or she doesn’t care — even though that is completely untrue. Certainly not a sentiment you would want to portray.

The person who does everything appears inconsistent and manic. Often, this becomes proof to the spouse that things really are bad — and their spouse is erratic. Imagine, for instance, that one piece of advice says to be warm and welcoming. You do that for a couple of weeks. Things don’t change, so you read about trying to make your spouse jealous and make them feel your absence, so you reverse your actions 180 degrees. Don’t you think your spouse will be thoroughly confused?

So let me suggest you find the best advice possible, something that agrees with your gut, and then stick with it, applying it to the best of your abilities!

Which brings me to secret #1: Be consistent in your approach — and be sure the approach is not being passive!

How to Save Your Marriage

It is my advice that you NOT work on making your spouse jealous. I have seen that advice all over the internet. And let me tell you a secret: NONE of that was written by a qualified professional.

It was written to make someone feel better on taking out their anger on a spouse. That part of you that is hurt and angry? In some ways, we want to hear about how the best action is to go have fun, to “teach them a lesson.”

But the lesson it teaches? “I have moved on.” That, I would suggest, is not a winning strategy for showing “I love you and want our marriage to work.”

Which leads me to secret #2: People who save their marriage set aside their momentary feelings for a greater good. Because there are going to be times when your hurt leads you to want to lash out. You will WANT to give up. But if your mind is committed to saving your marriage, don’t let your emotions pull you off-course.

My wife uses the phrase, “consult your plan, not your feelings.” In other words, once you have formulated a plan, then stick with it, even when your feelings are telling you differently.

Watch this video for some more help on this:

Save Your Marriage

Your secret #3? Assume you WILL save your marriage. In other words, instead of always questioning what is possible, just decide you will do exactly that: save your marriage.

I teach SCUBA diving in the local area, and my partner in teaching starts out our first class with one request from participants: PMA. Positive Mental Attitude. In class, we ask the students to stretch themselves. After all, it is not second-nature for us to breathe under water. And some of the exercises requires the student to get beyond the fear. Not to get rid of the fear, but get beyond the fear.

So we ask participants to refuse to play the “I can’t” tapes in their mind, and choose instead to say “I can.” It is incredible to me to watch people talk themselves through an exercise by using that phrase over and over.

It is the same in dealing with a crisis. I get letter after letter from people asking “can I save my marriage?” I only want two changes. First, I want someone to say “I CAN save my marriage.” Then, I want the person to ask “how can I save my marriage?” Suddenly, a shift has happened.

Tips to Save Your Marriage

At this point, you have hopefully made some shifts in your thinking. Now you know it is possible to save your marriage. But you may need some nudges on where to go from here.

stop divorceSecret #4: Saving a marriage is about a) reconnecting and b) working on yourself. Both are required.

Marriages get into trouble because there is too little connection in the marriage to sustain it. A lack of connection leads to what John Gottman refers to as the 4 Horsemen Of The Apocalypse.

These “Horsemen” are traits of communication that arise between distressed spouses. Here they are:

1) Criticism – One or both begin to be overly critical and attacking about perceived shortcomings. Forgiveness begins to wane.

2) Contempt – Then arises the sense of contempt that one or both holds for the other. Contempt is marked by only seeing the worst in the other and becoming suspicious about every action from the other.

3) Defensiveness – The contempt is felt and experienced as attack, which leads to a defensive reaction. And when we are defensive, we have a very difficult time seeing our own role in the process

4) Stonewalling – The defensiveness leads to the final marker. When we realize we cannot talk something out, we choose not to interact. We stonewall, refusing to communicate to the other.

Click Here for a video of Gottman discussing this.

To be clear, most marriages have, at some point, elements of these “4 horsemen.” But the more distressed a relationship becomes, the more consistent these patterns become, until the patterns are engrained and automatic.

Which calls for the process of reconnecting. As marriages reconnect, there is less and less of the pattern. And self-improvement allows for one to acknowledge a truth of being human: we all have room to grow and improve. We all have places where we have allowed our more fearful brains to take over and hold us hostage.

Time to reconnect and time to grow!

Ways to Save Your Marriage

Let me provide a little insight on how to start the process with a video I created:

There are a couple of important details. First, notice I do not suggest you sit down and have a “heart-to-heart” with your spouse. It will fail. You will not talk your spouse out of feeling that the marriage is in trouble.

But more than that, when you are talking about the relationship, you are no longer relating. And when you are not relating, you are not connecting. So, give up on that big relationship talk you have been rehearsing in your mind.

Second, don’t panic. Resist begging, demanding, guilting, or any other negative display of emotion. You don’t have to appear cheerful. Being sad is fine, but large expressions of emotion generally only prove the point to your spouse: they need to get away. So resist. Stay calm.

Stop Your Divorce

That, in my mind, is only step one. Stopping the legal process is the beginning point to building a marriage that you treasure — that both of you treasure! When you get to that point, then your marriage is sustainable for the long-term. More than that, it will be nurturing to both of you. And both of you will protect it.

If you are ready to really create a plan, to really get serious about marriage, I invite you to grab my Save The Marriage System. You CAN save your marriage, even if you are the only one wanting to right now!

Showing Up. REALLY Showing Up!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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My travels are finally over for a bit.  Another trip to California for more personal/professional development.  I spend a good bit of my time trying to stay at the top of my game, and with the latest developments in this arena.

I have now been back for 4 days, and my brain is clearing from the time change.  I still wake up in the middle of the night, but it is getting better.

Good thing, too, since I just launched a new virtual magazine, Thriveology Magazine.  If you have an iPad, give it a look!

But there is another reason it is a good thing my brain, mind, and body are just about in the same time zone.  That reason is because in my personal and professional life, I really strive to be right there, right in the moment.

How often do we just go through the motions.  You know what I mean?  We sit in front of the computer (or tablet or phone or TV), lost in the media.  We check our email, check our texts, follow the links, change the station, toss back some chips. . . and suddenly, hours have passed.

save your marriage by showing upIn other words, while our body is there, we have yet to show up!

At the last conference, Brendon Burchard really pushed us on this one.  He challenged us all to Show UP!  This means to fully be ourselves, to be present, to really bring our greatness to the world.

Now, before that word, “greatness,” throws you off, let’s talk.

I truly believe we all have greatness within us.

That doesn’t mean we are always showing the world our greatness.  Only that it is really in there.  (Some of us cover it up very well!)

Your greatness is what others love in you.  It is what your spouse came to love within you.  And that is the problem.  When marriages get into trouble, it is usually true that one or both have quit showing up.

Oh, sure, you may both be in the same room.  But that is not the same as showing up.  Showing up is about being present, of showing yourself, of focusing on the other.

What would that look like for you?  How can you show up?  How can you show up MORE?  (And we can ALWAYS show up more!)

When your spouse is talking, do you focus on your spouse?  Do you listen, showing your interest?

And if you are not interested, why are you not interested?

Quick answer:  if you are not interested any longer in what your spouse is sharing, you have disconnected a part of yourself.  You have stopped showing up.

Reconnect with that part of yourself and you will reconnect with your spouse.  Guaranteed.

If you have an inner voice shouting, “why can’t my spouse SHOW UP?”, demand that voice go away.  You have no control on how your spouse is showing up.  But you do have control over how YOU show up.  So SHOW UP!

Marriages are saved by our connection, or reconnection, with our better selves.  When we demand of ourselves to show up, to be present, we bring ourselves to the relationship in a new way.  And guess what?  That new way is much more inviting, much more attractive.

And guess what?  Life is ALWAYS better when we truly SHOW UP!

Presence, Presents, Present — Lessons From Vegas
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Just after midnight last night, my plane touched down after a long flight from Las Vegas.  I finished up 4 days in Vegas, capped by the too long, too late flight — and a body that was still trying to figure out time zones!

So, yes, I had a great time in Vegas.  And no, I did not win.  Didn’t lose, either.  Gambling isn’t much my thing.  At least not in a game, where I am pretty sure the house will win.

Which may raise the question of why I was in Vegas.  And by my own observations, that is a fair question to ask.  I was certainly surrounded by opportunity to donate to the house!

But I was there for a conference.  There to learn.  And learn, I did.  It was an excellent conference with many opportunities to learn.  The conference was designed to help authors, but was much more than that.  It was a mix of self-development, encouragement, and practical advice for experienced and aspiring authors.  Excellent stuff that kept me wide awake.

Which is the beginning of my point here.  As design would have it, I had to pass through the casino numerous times throughout the day.  Restaurants were around the edge of the casino, and when I realized I left my socks at home (long story), I had to walk right through the casino to get to the street and to a store.

During the conference, I was surrounded by wide-awake, wide-eyed, involved and present people.  We were all taking notes and listening, engaged in the presenters’ words.

gambling save marriageThen, I would walk out of the conference and through the casino.  And there, I noticed something very different.  Throughout the casino were people seated at the slot machines, hitting buttons and pulling levers.  One hand held a drink, another held a cigarette.  And both hands ran the machine.  That was amazing enough, but the look on the faces. . . that was terrifying.

People were able to drink, smoke and gamble, all with a completely distant look.  They were spending money, taking in a number of substances, all under the guise of having a good time.  But as far as I could tell, they were so disconnected, they were not even present.  Their body was there, but their mind was elsewhere.

Which is where I get to the point here.  One group of entirely engaged and present people.  Another group of distracted, disengaged people who were “having a good time.”

It got me thinking:  how often do we really “show up” when we are with our spouse?  And how often are we there, physically, but our mind has gone elsewhere?

Guess what?  Your spouse knows it.  Your spouse knows when you have numbed out and have left the scene.  And there we have the beginnings of a marriage crisis.  Disconnect is when we stop connecting, stop being present.

The post is Presence, Presents and Present.  Let me suggest that it may be a great present to those you love to focus on giving your presence, in the present.  Our presence means we are truly engaged, truly in the moment.  We are listening, learning, and engaging.  And we are in the present moment.  Not thinking about tough times from the past, or worrying about what is coming.  Not engaging in other activities that keep us disconnected, while pretending to be there.  It is focusing and truly showing up.

My challenge to you:  give the present of your presence to those you love.  You may just learn something in the process!

Anatomy of an Apology
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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save marriage sorryOver the weekend, a friend and I got into a little “discussion.”  You may see it as an argument.  But as modern times would have it, the whole discussion happened by text.

(Yes, professionals do still have disagreements.  And yes, sometimes we also make the mistake of texting it!)

The whole argument started innocently enough (they always do!).  It was simply a misunderstanding.  I thought one thing was decided, and my friend thought another.  His family acted on what they thought, while my family acted on what we thought.

We only discovered the distance we had traveled apart when an innocent text came to me.  I noted in the reply text about what my family was doing, and it went downhill from there.

I have many bad traits and places of growth.  One piece of me, for good or bad, that goes back well into my childhood, is I am stubborn.  Very stubborn.  “Won’t budge” stubborn.

At times, it serves me well.  At other times, not so well.  In this situation, I am still trying to decide!

So, as I held my point — and in my thinking, only stating facts as I knew them, my friend grew more frustrated.  Later, he made some statements that I found rather hurtful.  So, I finally excused myself from the conversation — which led to a couple more barbs thrown my way (at least in my interpretation of the events).

I pointed this out the next day, and got an “apology”. . . that felt very hollow.

Which has left me thinking about apologies.  What makes a good apology?  What makes a bad apology?  What difference does it make?

What difference?

Apologies are the social lubricant of relational recovery.  When a relationship is bruised or ruptured, a sincere apology can lead people back into a relationship.  Sometimes, even to a stronger relationship.

I find apologies to often be the beginning point of a whole new relationship.  It can revive a flagging relationship and preserve a battered relationship.

But a poor apology can do more damage than good.  It can serve to reinforce an opinion that the other person does not care, or is not taking responsibility.  It can leave the “injured” feeling hollow, sometimes not even sure why.

After all, the other person will say, “I said I am sorry.”

So what makes a bad apology?

To me, this one seems to be subtle but clear.

An apology that is bad either does not apologize for an action or excuses the person.

Take, for example, if I hurt someone’s feelings and say “I am sorry your feelings were hurt.”  That is not apologizing for what you might have done to hurt the feelings.

The “sorry” is for the fact the other person feels a certain way, not that the event happened.

If I say, “I am sorry if you heard it that way,” that is a bit closer.  It does address that they might have heard it a certain way, but it still puts it onto them.  In other words, they need to hear it differently.

Now, just to be clear, these ARE apologies!  They are “I am sorry. . . .”  But they are only apologies of interpretation.  Not apologies for actions.

An apology of “I am sorry I said that, but blah, blah, blah” is the next bad apology.  It makes an excuse of why you did what you did.  “I am sorry I said that, but you made me mad” makes it the other person’s fault that you reacted in a negative way.

People want to be understood.  And people do so by “explaining” why they did what they did.

But over the years, I have discovered that the difference between an explanation and an excuse is whether you are saying it or hearing it.

Explanations will be heard as excuses.  Every time.  Even if the explanation is true.

An apology that ends with “but blah, blah, blah” will be heard as “I am not apologizing.  I am excusing myself.”

So what makes a good apology?

A good apology requires taking responsibility for an action.  With no excuse.  Just saying “I am sorry that I said _____ / I did ______.”

Isn’t it interesting that the simple approach is often the best?

But notice, you are claiming that you are feeling sorry.  If you are not really sorry, then don’t pretend.  That will feel hollow.

With a little reflection, you are likely discover that you did not want to do harm to your loved one.  That leads to that feeling of remorse that lets you know you really are sorry for your actions.  It is no longer about defending interpretation.

Even if, like me, you are stubborn and resist admitting that you may have erred.

I am NOT saying that there are times when an action is misinterpreted.  But a misinterpreted word or action tells you there are multiple interpretations.

So, you may actually then add clarification.  Not excuse, but clarification.

For example:  “I am sorry that I said ____.  I know that hurt your feelings, and I feel bad about that.  What I really meant was ________.”

It is certainly possible that, at that point, the clarification will not be heard.  In fact, you may decide you simply need to apologize.  Then wait for another time to be more clear in your thoughts.

NOTE:  This does NOT mean you must always apologize!  There may be times when what you said or did, even if hurtful, was exactly what you meant to say or do.  That is when we often put out the “I am sorry your feelings were hurt”-type of apology.

That may be as far as you are willing to go.  But let’s just be clear about that:  this is not a deeply felt apology.  It is an attempt to move forward without a change in behavior.

So, you want to be sure that is what you TRULY believe.  After letting your own feelings/ego/stubbornness die down, if you still believe you have nothing for which to apologize, you may find you need to stand behind your word or action.

I am good with someone choosing that.  What I am NOT good with is when folks stumble through an apology, being less-than-clear out of their own need to excuse themselves and their actions.  I am NOT good with a weak apology that does nothing to heal the relationship, even though the apologizer does feel remorse.

Apologies are all about ceding ego and admitting to a mistake.  They are about taking responsibility for an action or word that caused pain.

Wait.  That can be shortened.  They are about taking responsibility.  No excuse and no manipulation.

Save Your Marriage — Immediate Help
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save Marriage PuzzleMany people ask me how to “save marriage.”  I will be honest.  Saving your marriage is going to be tough.  It will also be entirely worth it.

Problem is, there is a great deal of save marriage misinformation on the internet.  So, I want to give you a quick head-start on the process.

I created a video on saving a marriage.  So let me ask you to just take a few moments to view the material.  It will give you immediate save marriage help.  CLICK HERE FOR SAVE MARRIAGE VIDEO

Are You Going for 100%?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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I was talking with a client last week.  He told me that he had a bad day.  And he was frustrated.

And he was more frustrated because he had a bad day.  This is a man that, for some time, had only had bad days.  No days where he felt good, that he felt his relationship was moving forward.

Trend Upward Save MarriageBut now, he was feeling better most days.  His relationship was, overall, “trending upward.”

Then he had a bump.  A tough day.  A day where he did not get where he wanted to.  He became frustrated.

It was bad enough that he was having a tough day.  But then to add to that, he was constantly chastising himself for having a bad day — leading to a worse day.  Which only allowed him to repeat the process.

Sound familiar?  It does to me, because I have seen myself do exactly the same thing.  How about you?

Do you have some internal expectation that life should be 100% A-OK?

Here is the problem:  whether in life or while you are trying to save your marriage, not every day is going to be great.  The truth is that the “upward trend” is really a wavy line.  There are up moments and down moments.

Days can be tough.

So, what can you do?

1)  Take a long-term view.  The trending can be upward, when viewed from a distance.  So you can look for the overall theme.

2)  Don’t allow a tough day to be multiplied by your thoughts.  Your mind can take you in very unhealthy directions, if you let it.  STOP those thoughts!

3)  You can stop those thoughts by first, picturing a stop sign in your mind, even as your mind is going off-path.  Second, mentally yell “STOP!”  Okay, if you are alone, you can even do it out-loud.  But if you are in a crowd, keep it in your mind!  🙂

4)  Look for ways to improve what is going on.  It is too easy to look for what is wrong and get paralyzed.  Instead, look for what is right and move in that direction.

5)  Take care of yourself!  The lower your resources, the less it takes to have you mentally taking a nose-dive.  Build up your resources.

6)  And this is the really big one!  Practice gratitude.  Focus on that for which you are thankful.  Focus on the good stuff!  This has been proven to actually shift your mind and rewire your brain.

Politics and Marriage: Lessons for EVERY Couple!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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It must be that time.  My mind drifts to politics — and usually to my exhaustion and disgust for the process.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I do believe we need a political process.  But, it is broken.  All that fighting.  All that looking at what is different.  All the ignoring of common grounds.

Both parties seem to ignore what the other one says.  Both pretend to have a corner on what is right.

Neither side seems to be able to make room to even contemplate the other side might have a point.

And forget working on compromises!  It is the “my way or the highway” approach.  And yet both sides need the other for balance.

Oh.  Did I mention that I am talking about the couples that come to my office for help with their marriage?

Sorry about that.  Sometimes, it seems that the couples are doing the same thing as the national political parties.

Just this morning, I listened for quite a while as each person let the other know what he/she had done wrong, how she/he should have done it, and why failure was eminent.

This morning, it was about parenting.  But it could have been about money, sex, religion, occupational choice, home choice, how the grass was cut, how the dinner was cooked, how the rug was vacuumed, etc., etc., etc.

After letting it go on a bit, I paused them and asked each to tell me what was RIGHT about what the other person had said.  That jolted them!

They had simply stopped considering this.  They were ready to tell me what was WRONG, not what was RIGHT.  But I pushed.

Then, sheepishly, the wife admitted “we agree on almost everything.  We really only have slight differences.”

I observed, “yet those slight differences have left you arguing for 20 minutes here, for over an hour last night, and my guess is lots more time over the years.”

Both were quiet.  But both agreed with me.

And that, to me, is the tragedy of politics, both household and national.  We spend so much time arguing our point, we refuse to listen — to REALLY listen — to the other side.  We make the other side into a caricature.  We pretend there is only one way, and OURS is it.  Even though we know, deep down inside, that this is a lie.

Perhaps it is human nature to do that, to argue and disagree.

But perhaps it is our capacity to rise above this that really shows our higher nature.

Working cooperatively.

It is a choice we have every single day.

Will we work for our common interests or just push against each other?

I constantly see the results of pushing against each other.

But just often enough for me to be optimistic, I see people rise above and work for the common good.

Your choice.  What will YOU choose today?

Wow! 24 years!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Today is an important day in my life.  24 years ago, my wife and I pledged our lives together.

I must admit, I had NO idea where the road of life would lead.  I had NO idea of what was coming.  I only knew that I wanted Kathy to spend that time with me, however it went.  And I wanted to do the same with her.

We pledged our lives together in good and bad days (we have had both), in rich and poor days (LOTS of the latter, but so rich in many ways!), sick and healthy days (and there have been both — some scary sick days).

We promised to protect our relationship, to treasure each other, and to love one another.

In the years since, I realized how little I knew what that meant, and how much I had to learn.  Fortunately, Kathy is patient.  My skull is thick, but I do eventually learn!

Today, 24 years later, I am so very thankful that Kathy has been by my side, and I have been by her side.  We have faced life together.

And I look forward to Many Many more!

Save Your Marriage Rule #10: Work On Yourself
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save your marriage by looking in the mirror.Really, saving a marriage is a two-pronged process.

One is reconnecting the marriage.  We have spent a good bit of time talking about the rules of working on your relationship.  So let’s move to the second level.

Because the second prong of the process is working on and improving yourself.

At this point, you are saying one of two things to yourself.  You may be saying “absolutely, I need to make some changes!”

But more likely, you are thinking “why should I have to change?  What about my spouse?  Why doesn’t my spouse have to change?”

That is a fair question.  Just not helpful.  Would it be great if BOTH you and your spouse changes yourself?  Absolutely.

But you are the one that is here.  You are the one looking for help on how to save your relationship.

At a deeper level, though, a response that is about “why do I have to change?” also notes why we don’t change.  We are keeping score, looking at what the other needs to  do.

For myself, I am quick to acknowledge that there are always some areas I could improve.  There are always areas of growth and development.  In fact, some days, I am constantly tripping over the multitude of things I need to change about myself!

Part of what I see as the task of life is to always be growning and developing.  We ALL have places where we fall short.

So, just for a moment, if you are objecting to you having to change, let’s just set that aside.  Instead, see this as an opportunity to grow, to be a better person.

Which raises the question of why I think this is so important.

First, I have already stated my bias that life is about growth and development.  As Ray Kroc said, “you are either green and growing or ripe and rotting.”  I love that quote!

But second, in terms of the relationship, being a growing, changing, developing person is attractive.  Being stale and stagnant is, well, repulsive.

And in the process of moving from wherever your relationship is to having a deep and satisfying relationship, my guess is that one element that needs to shift is that attraction.  We all want our spouse to have that “in love” feeling toward us.  That is based, in part, on being attractive (not necessarily physically).

Time to head for the mirror!  Time to take a deep and long look into that mirror and ask “who do I need to become?”

One wrong answer:  “whatever my spouse wants me to be.”

Right answer:  “wow!  I know I need to address these areas in order to be a better person!”

In my System, I discuss boundaries.  Boundaries are ways you protect yourself.  A boundary is what you will not let someone else do to you, your marriage, or your family.

But there is a closely related term:  Standards.  Personal standards.

A standard is what you expect of yourself — the standard you hold.

For example, a standard may be “I am honest with everyone in all of my dealings.”

The space between where you are now and what your standard is, well that is your area of growth.

So, let’s start there.  What do you expect of yourself, but don’t currently measure up:
How you treat other people.
How you treat your own body.
How you interact with the world.
The attitude that you take toward life.
etc., etc., etc.

Then ask this: “what do I hear from my spouse/kids/friends on how I act that upsets them?”

Years ago, my sister-in-law (who was my brother’s girlfriend at that time) made an off-handed comment about my sarcastic sense of humor.  It was pointed and edgy.

I realized I did not want that to be my image.  I set out to change that.

My family will tell you, I can still be sarcastic/ironic/cynical for humor.  But it is nothing like it used to be!  And when I notice I am moving in that direction again (usually because I notice I hurt someone’s feelings), I know it is time for a mid-stream readjustment.

What areas do you hear from others where you need to change?

By now, if you are honest with yourself, you have the targets.  That is the starting point.

Time to work on those issues.

Don’t bite off more than you can chew, but start working on being the person you want to be.  Resist seeing it as all-or-nothing.  It is about growth.  Accept you will make mistakes and fall back into old patterns.

But over time, you will see that you are growing.  You are becoming who you need to be.  And guess what?  Those around you will see it, too.

Which brings us to a final point:  Do not TELL people how you have changed.  Don’t try to get them to see it.  Simply BE the change.  Let them experience you differently.  Let them discover you are different.  Then, they will know it is legitimate.

That’s it!  Those are the Top 10 Rules For Saving Your Marriage.  Are you ready to take the next step and really get going?  I invite you to grab my information by CLICKING HERE.