Posts Tagged :

can’t save my marriage

The Connection Principle
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

The Connection Principle:  why connection is so important in a marriage… and how to restore it correctly.Connection is the lifeblood of any relationship… and especially a marriage.  When connection is cut off, the relationship falters.  When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk.

This concept is the backbone of my approach.  It is the core of my System — restoring the connection.

Which is the problem.  Many people push and push for connection, leading to — ironically — even less connection and more push-back.

The concept of connection as the most important factor in saving a marriage suddenly hits a wall.  The techniques people use to restore connection lead to DIS-connection, rather than connection.

Instead of helping, I notice many people are harming their attempts to save their marriage.  Not from ill-will but misunderstanding.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I explore the principle of Connect, Don’t Crowd.  This principle is the 1st of 10 I covered with my VIP Virtual Coaching members.  But it was so important, I wanted to make sure you understand it.  (The other 9 are still available to all VIP members.)

Listen below to understand the importance of connection, how to do it, and how to avoid the crowding.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Connection is the Lifeblood
Healing Disconnection Resources
Connection on 3 Levels
The Save The Marriage System

DWYADAYGWYAG
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Is your marriage stuck on repeat?No, a toddler didn’t take to pounding on my keyboard.  And no, my new puppy didn’t paw my keyboard… well, at least on for the title.

Yep, I meant it: DWYADAYGWYAG.

But to back up, have you ever noticed how we get stuck in repeating patterns?  Many simply serve to keep us stuck in life.  Not moving ahead.  Stuck.

But alive!

And that is what the brain registers.  Sure, maybe what happened yesterday was not exciting.  Maybe what you and I did yesterday, to make it through the day, was not exciting.  But we survived.

Lesson learned.  What we did yesterday kept us alive.  Plan for today:  do it some more.

Same in relationships.

Staying alive is not the same as thriving… and is actually not a guarantee of future success.  But it worked yesterday, so our brain assumes it will work for today.

DWYADAYGWYAG

I’ll tell you more about what that means, and how to get beyond it, in this week’s episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

 

RELATED RESOURCES
What’s Responsibility Got To Do With It?
Hope and Barriers
My Books
My System

“I’m Just Not Happy”… The Excuse to Leave?
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

“I’m not happy, you’re not happy.  We can’t stay married.”  True?  Nope.  Wrong perspective.What do you do when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy,” as the reason the marriage has to end?  Or how about, “You’re not happy,” or “I can’t make you happy”?

I have heard this reason given over and over.  It is a common (but false) belief that a marriage needs to end because spouses can’t make each other happy.

The fact is, you cannot make your spouse happy.  And your spouse can’t make you happy.  But that isn’t even the goal!

(Just to be fair, it is possible to make someone miserable!  But make them happy?  Nope.  Not possible.  Ever.)

What does it mean when a spouse wants to end a marriage due to “not being happy”?  And what do you do?  How do you respond?

That is the topic of our conversation on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  You can listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Dealing With YOUR Resentment
Dealing With YOUR SPOUSE’S Resentment
Showing Up
Courageous Compassion
3 C’s of Saving Your Marriage
System To Save Your Marriage

Don’t Get Caught In The FOF Trap!
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Avoid the FOF Trap -- Fear of Failure!There is a trap waiting. It springs on you, sometimes even before you get started with saving your marriage. That same trap is waiting for you at every point of the process. You can easily get stuck in it.

What’s the trap? I call it the FOF Trap — Fear of Failure Trap.

We humans have a disproportionate fear of failure that we can either set aside or allow to trap us.

How many actions and options have you missed because you were afraid it might not work out? How many opportunities pass us all by because we are afraid that it we might fail? Oddly, when we allow FOF to dominate, we absolutely fail and miss out.

Don’t let this trap keep you from restoring your relationship. Decide there is another option. Move boldly toward your efforts.

Listen to this week’s podcast to find out how to avoid the FOF Trap.

(Ready to move forward?  Grab the Save The Marriage System.)