Close
Enter your
text here
Posts Tagged :

civility in marriage

“Is It All About Being The ‘Nice Guy/Gal’?” – NOPE
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Is it just about being a nice guy / gal? Nope. But that isn't a bad place to start.Many of my podcasts come from questions from listeners (if you have an idea for a podcast, email me here).  And that is absolutely true this week.  In fact, it is from an email I received.

The question was fair.  So, I decided to respond for everyone to hear.

Here is the basic question:  “Is your System really just about being the ‘nice guy’?  If so, doesn’t that mean you get disrespected?”  (I will read the email, minus identifying info, in the episode.)

So, yes, I do think being a nice person is a good start.  But no, that is not the real point of my System.  Being civil is a building block, a starting point.

Being a jerk is rarely a good start on rebuilding.

But the nice, that is just about being civil.  Not a “push-over.”  In fact, I believe having boundaries and setting them is critical.  But so is having a high standard for yourself.

My whole System?  Nope.

A good starting point?  Absolutely.  It always is.

But not if you just allow yourself to be walked on.

Listen to this episode for more details and explanation.

RELATED RESOURCES
Being Civil
Connection Is Lifeblood
Show Up
Apologies and Forgiving
Save The Marriage System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

4 Steps to Civility In Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Civility is the starting point for saving your marriage.Many times, I found myself just playing referee in my office.  The sparring match began when the couple sat down, and didn’t stop until they left.

It seemed that all I could do was ring the bell and end a round.  “Be civil,” I would tell them.

Then, the gloves would come off and they were sparring again.

“Be civil,” I would tell them, more emphatically, but still in my best therapist’s voice.

And still, they would go after each other.

One day, a man turned to me and said, “Is that all you can say? ‘Be civil?'”  I looked at him, and in my most “therapy” therapist voice said, “That would be a really good place to start.”

Being civil IS a great place to start, an excellent place to continue, and a terrific foundation to any relationship.

Here is the irony:  on a daily basis, we are civil to many, many people — some we probably don’t even like!

And then, to the one most important person in our lives — our spouse — we let it fly!  Civility is out the window.

Let’s decide, together, that as a foundation, civility is a great starting point.

Here are 4 steps to bringing more civility into your marriage — regardless of the conflict level right now.

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS