distant spouse – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Is Your Crisis Hot or Cold?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg March 31, 2021 March 30, 2021

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 31, 2021

Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance? Hot or cold?

Are they really that different? Or is it all a part of the same process? And how does it affect your attempts to save your marriage?

During back-to-back coaching sessions with two couples, I had a case of each. In the first, both were practically red-faced with anger, talking over each other and refusing to listen.

In the second session, the couple were cold and distant, refusing to engage with each other, routing all discussions through me. Both refused to listen to the other.

The underlying issues were the same. The emotional temperature was different. Each couple had set their “emotional thermostat” to a different level. And neither couple seemed interested in changing the setting.

What is the difference between the heat and the cold? How does it affect your efforts to save your marriage? Is it possible that both the heat and the cold are actually pointing toward the same process? The same path?

We explore the difference between hot and cold crises and what to do to turn it around in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

Listen below.

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Marriage Wrecker: Disconnection

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 26, 2020

Your marriage is hurting. Why? What happened? What wrecked your marriage?

In the last podcast episode, I discussed how expectations can wreck a marriage.

But unfortunately, there are some other issues and concerns that can wreck your marriage. This week’s Marriage Wrecker is right at the top of the list.

In fact, it is a recurring theme in my work with couples. After discussing it in several coaching sessions in the last few days, I thought it was a good topic for an episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

What is connection? What is DISconnection… and why does it happen? We start there. We discuss how connection is the life-blood of your relationship… and what happens when it gets squeezed off… often for what seem like good reasons!

The result, though, is the same, even when disconnection is unintentional. (And it almost always is.)

I also cover what to do when you realize the cycle and are ready to break it (what to know and how to approach it, so you don’t get thrown off).

Listen to this important episode below.

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Why People Get Derailed

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 6, 2019

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren’t quite so hostile.

But then….

They get derailed. Thrown off-course. Lost in the crisis.

Not surprisingly, any gains made are quickly lost. Things become even more tense and fractured.

Why did they get derailed? Four reasons: Distracted, Distanced, Doubtful, and Discouraged.

I go into each of these… as well as how to avoid falling into the trap and getting derailed… in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below.

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Chasing Is Killing Your Chances

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 6, 2015

Do you find yourself chasing after your spouse? Do you keep wondering why your spouse is so cool, distant, aloof, and emotionally unavailable?

You may be pursuing your spouse, and in unhealthy ways. In fact, your spouse may be running away faster and faster, because your spouse is feeling the pursuit.

Why does this happen? Is it you? Is it your spouse?

Perhaps it is each of you, and perhaps it is both of you together.

Either way, the outcome is rarely positive. You may feel abandoned and your spouse may feel suffocated.

If you are just noticing the tendency to chase after your spouse, it is time to change it, before more harm is done. And if you are working to save your marriage, it is even more important to manage the emotions and the desire to chase.

Learn why this dynamic happens, and what to do to stop it.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:
The Save The Marriage System
The Virtual Coaching Program (email me)

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