emotional affair – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Your Questions About Infidelity, part 2

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By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 23, 2019

In the last episode, I answered questions about infidelity and marriage. Well, I started answering questions. Since I started asking for your questions, I have received quite a few about affairs and infidelity. So, I continue answering questions in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

Last episode, we focused more on what to do while there is an affair, emotional or physical.

This episode focuses a bit more on the aftermath. What do you do when the affair is ending/has ended? Especially if there is still contact!

What do you do with those thoughts and fears? What do you do about trust? How do you rebuild the relationship in the shadow of cheating? Especially if the cheating spouse is not doing what you want them to do in the recovery process?

And by the way, what’s “normal” in an upside-down reality?

We cover that and more!

Listen below for my answers to listener questions on infidelity (part 2)

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Your Questions About Infidelity, Part 1

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 16, 2019

Someone cheated. What now? Can a marriage survive infidelity, either physical or emotional? Can a relationship recover after an affair?

Over the past while, I have been answering listener questions (you can submit by emailing here). And this week, we turn our attention to the subject of infidelity and affairs (both physical and emotional).

To be honest, I receive more questions on this topic than any other (which is the reason I wrote the book on recovering from an affair). So, this is only part 1 of my answers.

Affairs and infidelity affect many marriages. They are a risk during a marriage crisis, and they deepen a crisis already happening. Infidelity is less a cause of the actual crisis, and more a symptom. But a discovered affair is often the first clear sign of the depths of crisis.

How do you deal with your emotions? How do you deal with your spouse? And how about that other person?

We touch on this and many other issues in the episode below. Listen in.

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Is It Emotional Infidelity?: #58 Save Your Marriage Podcast

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 24, 2014

When is it emotional infidelity? What are the signs of emotional affairs?

These are common questions I hear when I speak with people.

Why is it so hard to define this?

One simple reason: it is a gray area of connection. A physical affair is much more clearly defined. A physical boundary has been violated. So, while there may be some difference of opinion on what constitutes an affair, it is clear when it becomes physical.

Not so with emotional infidelity. In almost every case, it starts innocently enough. . . so innocently that the involved parties continue to proclaim that nothing is wrong, no boundary has been violated, and there is no problem with the relationship.

Yet emotional affairs DO threaten marriages. Emotional infidelity sucks the limited emotional resources a person has, leaving the marriage floundering without connection. The emotional pain for the spouse who is losing the connection to someone else can be as extreme as if there was a physical affair.

Unfortunately, this often falls outside of the understanding of the spouse involved in the emotional relationship. He or she will often continue to justify, argue, and refuse to acknowledge anything is wrong. . . until everything falls apart and the truth is overwhelmingly evident.

In this podcast, I take a look at emotional infidelity and give some guidelines to help distinguish “just a friend” from a relationship that has crossed the line.

Listen below and let me know what you think in the comments area further down.

And if you are ready to save your marriage, CLICK HERE.

HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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So, You Had An Affair: How To Recover — A Save The Marriage Podcast Special Edition

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 6, 2013

Last week, I presented a special edition podcast on how to deal with an affair. It was mostly aimed for the person that suffered infidelity. But I had a number of people ask, “what if you are the one that committed the affair?” So, here is a podcast aimed at answering that. What do you do if you committed an affair?

People often wonder how to save a marriage after an affair. And the reality is that it is possible to move on after infidelity, but you do need some direction.

No punches pulled here. I tell you exactly what I think — straight talk about how to rebuild a marriage after an affair. What do you need to change, how do you need to act, what do you need to do? I lay it all out for you.

While I can’t tell you how long it takes to get over infidelity, I can tell you how to do it. But the grief and recovery process will depend on lots of factors. But if you are willing to move forward, it can be done. Marriages do survive infidelity — and can actually come out stronger!

A marriage can survive infidelity, and I can show you how to put the odds in your favor.

I will answer questions about whether to tell or not, how to set boundaries, raising your own standards, being transparent, and how to work on regaining trust and finding forgiveness.

HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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Dealing with Emotional and Physical Affairs: A Special Save The Marriage Podcast

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 30, 2013

Is your marriage threatened by an emotional or physical affair?

Do you find yourself scared and unsure on how to deal with your spouse’s extramarital relationship?

Are you wondering if you can recover from infidelity in your relationship?

In this special audio podcast, I cover your plan for addressing the extra-marital relationship, whether it is physical or emotional.

Discover how to get beyond your spouse’s defenses. Find out whether or not to address the affair, whether or not to confront the other person, and whether or not to make an ultimatum.

I will also give you the 5 “don’ts” of dealing with an affair.

If infidelity, emotional or physical, is affecting your marriage, please listen to this audio.

Leave a comment below to let me know what you think. Leave any questions for future podcasts.

And HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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How To Stop An Affair: A Starting Point

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 19, 2009

How do you stop an affair? That is a frightening question for anyone in the midst of a marriage threatened by infidelity. Unfortunately, that places you in easily 1/4 of all marriages.

Yep, that’s right. The statistics show that 25% of marriages suffer an affair. And to be even more clear, the survey is focused on physical affairs.

The percentage suffering from an emotional affair is much higher. That would tell us that marriages are threatened by infidelity.

The major reason given by those who have affairs? For physical affairs, the reason given is sex. For emotional affairs, the reason given is attention.

In reality, the basis is the same. We all have a need to feel wanted, even desired. Unfortunately, this is one area that tends to fall to the side in marriages. Daily life take over the feelings of romance and passion that usually mark the beginnings of a relationship.

In fact, marriages that keep some energy on passion and connection have a much lower incident of infidelity. The need is met within the marriage.

So, what do you do if there is an affair? How do you stop an affair? Those are tough questions, and this article does not allow enough room to fully cover the issue. Let’s look at a few hints and helps.

1) Commit to working on the marriage. commit to staying together. I say “commit” because the feeling of betrayal can be so strong that you may only want to quit.

2) Focus on forgiving. This is a big topic! But to quickly put this in perspective, forgiveness is NOT giving permission. It is not letting someone “off the hook.” In fact, forgiveness is not even primarily for the other person. It is for you, so that you do not have to carry the pain around with you.

3) Take a look at where your marriage was before the affair. Had you lost contact with each other? Was the passionate part of your relationship gone? This will tell you what needs to change in order to get back on track.

4) Take responsibility for your role in where the relationship was. This is NOT taking responsibility for your spouse’s actions, but for where the marriage was.

To follow up on this, I often hear people say “I thought our marriage was fine. I don’t know why it happened.” But pushed a little harder, it is possible to find the disconnect, the lack of passion, the seeds of the affair.

Since you cannot control your spouse’s behavior, you can’t force him or her to stop the affair. But you can work to create a relationship you both would protect and treasure. That is the beginning point of how to stop an affair.

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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HERE.