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how to stop arguing

Immutable Law Of Marriage: The Goal of Conflict is Progress
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: The Goal of Conflict is Progress.When you have a disagreement, what is your goal?  What are you trying to do?  What are you aiming at?

For many people, the goal of a disagreement is to get your way, make your point, prove yourself right — win.

In any relationship, that can be damaging.  But most relationships can either weather that dynamic or aren’t important enough to matter.  Except for marriage.

When the goal of conflict in marriage is to win, the relationship suffers.  Sure, an individual can walk away, feeling good about the points scored or the advantage gained.  But the relationship suffers.  And over time, the relationship breaks down.

Let me suggest that in any conflict, the goal should be progress.  In a marriage, it is crucial that the goal is progress.

Why do we lose sight of this?  Let’s talk about it on this week’s podcast.

The Immutable Law of Marriage:  The Goal of Conflict is Progress.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause
#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood

Grab the Save The Marriage System

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“Why Are We Fighting?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"Why are we fighting?" Useless arguments and other things that hurt a marriage.Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn’t matter”?

I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others.

It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives.  They are not the big things, but the small things.  And that is the tragic part:  many marriages die from a thousand nicks.  It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things.  In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things.

Which raises the question:  WHY do we have these arguments?  Why do we bicker?  (Check out the podcast below)

And then, the second question:  HOW to change this pattern?  (Check out the podcast below)

RELATED RESOURCES:
Control
Disconnect
Problems with Therapy
VIP (IF you have the System)

 

 

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Stop Trying To Convince!: Episode 24, Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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save your marriage, no begging, pleading, convincingDo you find yourself trying to convince your spouse to work on the relationship?

Do you try logic and rational facts to “help” your spouse see your point?

Do you find yourself begging and pleading, trying to get your spouse to change his or her mind?

Do you notice that these strategies fail?  Do you notice that many times, when you try to convince, when you argue, beg and plead, that you actually lose ground?

Let’s talk about why this happens, why your spouse is resisting, and how you can do it differently.

Please listen to this week’s podcast and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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