how to stop fighting – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Marriage Lie #3: Conflict Means Its Wrong

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg November 11, 2020 November 10, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 11, 2020

If you find yourself arguing and in conflict, that is an indication that something is wrong with your marriage, right?

Right?

No. Not at all. But it may be that your conflict resolution is a problem. Just one that can be improved. Unless, of course, you believe this lie and decide that nothing can be done because… you know… conflict.

That is the danger of this particular lie. It causes people to give up, since there is conflict, rather than working through.

I don’t meet too many people that like conflict. Most either avoid it or handle it poorly. And many see conflict as a symptom that something is wrong with the relationship.

Fact is, conflict is an inevitable part of even the healthiest relationship. In fact, the total lack of conflict may indicate just as much of a problem as too much conflict. Put two people together who join their futures and there are going to be differences of opinion. Different perspectives and different priorities. And those differences must be addressed.

The question is really how you do conflict, not if you have conflict. Does the conflict serve your relationship or sever your relationship?

Learn more about this lie of marriage in the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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Fighting Versus Solving: Using Conflict

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 5, 2017

Do you find yourself fighting and fighting, but never making progress? Maybe you even look back and make the painful discovery: you are just repeating the same argument.

If so, you aren’t using conflict to get anywhere. You are just trying to win.

Conflict is better used when it moves you toward progress. It can serve to solve.

Or it can serve to wound.

Many times, I have heard the same statement: “I don’t want to argue about this anymore,” “I don’t want to fight anymore.” Both come from a realization that nothing is happening in the fight. No solution, no progress. Nothing but hurtful conflict.

Sound familiar?

Unfortunately, if a couple can’t make the shift, the wounds and hurts add up. Until one or the other (or both) call it quits. They give up, tired of the conflict. Some leave. Others stay, but refuse to communicate.

Either way, the connection suffers.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Conflict can serve to move you toward a better relationship. But only when you use it to solve.

Listen to the audio training below to learn how.

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“Why Are We Fighting?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 6, 2016

Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this? It doesn’t matter”?

I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others.

It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives. They are not the big things, but the small things. And that is the tragic part: many marriages die from a thousand nicks. It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things. In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things.

Which raises the question: WHY do we have these arguments? Why do we bicker? (Check out the podcast below)

And then, the second question: HOW to change this pattern? (Check out the podcast below)

RELATED RESOURCES:
Control
Disconnect
Problems with Therapy
VIP (IF you have the System)

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