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Posts Tagged :

hurt

Healing Your Spouse’s Resentments
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Helping to heal your spouse's resentments.In last week’s podcast, I discussed healing your own resentments.  This week, we turn to dealing with your spouse’s resentments.  Let’s be clear:  really, this is about helping your spouse to heal resentments.  You can’t actually do the healing.  You can only help.

Once you address your own resentments, you know part of the secret:  resentment comes from anger, unresolved.  Anger comes from hurt, unresolved and unaddressed.  Which leads us back to helping your spouse find healing — tracking back to anger, but really back to hurt.

If you want to reconnect, start with dealing with resentments.  Otherwise, the hurt/anger/resentment continues to poison the relationship.  It is the systemic infection that keeps the marriage hurting.

Ready to do what you can to deal with your spouse’s resentments?  Listen below. . .

RELATED RESOURCES
Healing Your Resentments
Save The Marriage System (Including Anger/Resentment Module)

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End Your Dance of Hurt and Blame
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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End the dance of hurt and blame.Hurt.  Blame.  Hurt.  Blame.

The dance goes round and round, each person dancing the steps.  That dance isn’t fun.  But it certainly seems to be a popular dance for couples!

Every relationship has its unique “dance,” and both people generally stick to the same steps. . . until it doesn’t work anymore.

Then, the marriage can easily lapse into trouble.

Unless you decide to change the dance.

Since we are on this dance theme, many people tell me, “Well, it takes two to Tango.”  True.

And if you are married, you two are dancing.  In other words, the dance is already in progress.  But you know what?  In every dance, someone can choose to “lead” in a different way, choose to dance some different steps.  And maybe even decide to change the music and dance a different dance entirely.

Tired of the dance you are in?

Stop the “dance of blame and hurt!”

RELATED RESOURCES:
Finding Your Why
Showing Up
Connection Resources
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program

 

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5 Ways Your Hurt and Pain Keep You Stuck
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How your hurt and pain keeps you stuck.“James” and “Tina” are like many people who have contacted me over the years.

James and his wife had been struggling for years.  Arguments, fights, and conflicts had cut into their love for each other.

While James believed there was still love there, he knew it was buried deep for both of them.  James spent lots of time licking his wounds, remembering the struggles — and usually seeing that he had been “done wrong.”

He contacted me because James didn’t want to end his marriage.  But he didn’t know what to do.  He was stuck.

Tina’s husband just left one day.  They had not been fighting.  Really, neither had ever been much on arguing.

On his way out the door, Tina’s husband said, “I just don’t feel anything.  I need to clear my mind and see what comes up.”  And he was gone.

Tina was devastated.  What had she done?  Why had she been abandoned?  Tina wrote to say, “I don’t want a divorce.  But I didn’t do this.  Why should I have to do anything?”

Pain and hurt.  We avoid those feelings, but they still come to us.  That’s a part of life.

But sometimes, the pain and hurt can keep us stuck.  Ironically, when pain or hurt keeps you stuck, you generally only get more pain and hurt.  In other words, the “stuck” just keeps us in a cycle of getting more of what we want to avoid.

Is there another option?

Let’s discuss why pain and hurt keep you stuck and the games you play because of the hurt.  Then, let’s discuss a way to get un-stuck.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Games and Hidden Agendas
Responsibility and Marriage
Forgiving the Hurt
Save The Marriage System

 

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