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is it too late to save my marriage

When Is It Too Toxic?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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When is a marriage too toxic to save?You probably know that I’m on the side of your marriage.  I’m all about saving a marriage.

But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved?

No.

First, there are times when BOTH people want to leave the marriage.  At that point, there is nothing that WILL save the marriage.  There has to be energy from AT LEAST one person, in order for anything to change.

Second, there are times when the toxicity level is high, creating a toxic situation for the spouses.  In fact, there are 3 times when it MAY be too toxic.  And there is 1 time when it absolutely too toxic to work on the marriage.

Let me tell you 5 symptoms of elevated toxicity, 3 times you may need to step back, and 1 time you definitely need to step back from the marriage.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Domestic Violence Help
Anger & Resentment
Coping
Issues And Marriages
Save The Marriage System

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“Why Are We Fighting?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"Why are we fighting?" Useless arguments and other things that hurt a marriage.Have you found yourself in the middle of an argument, toe-to-toe with your spouse, with that little part of your brain saying, “why am I even arguing over this?  It doesn’t matter”?

I ask, because I have had that experience MANY times in my life, both with my wife and with others.

It is tragic that those arguments erupt in all our lives.  They are not the big things, but the small things.  And that is the tragic part:  many marriages die from a thousand nicks.  It is often not the big deals, but the tiny things.  In fact, many times, the big deals are a result of the lifeblood lost on the tiny things.

Which raises the question:  WHY do we have these arguments?  Why do we bicker?  (Check out the podcast below)

And then, the second question:  HOW to change this pattern?  (Check out the podcast below)

RELATED RESOURCES:
Control
Disconnect
Problems with Therapy
VIP (IF you have the System)

 

 

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Is It “Too Little, Too Late”?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Is it "too little, too late"? Maybe. Maybe not.You start working to save your marriage.  You are working on rebuilding the connection.  You have been trying to change and improve yourself.  You’ve been focused.  You’ve been putting in the effort.

And then, your spouse says, “Too little, too late.”

The bubble is burst, the sail’s deflated.  Another kick in the gut.

And you feel like giving up.  If it is hopeless, why even try?

Because I don’t think it is hopeless.  I have seen MANY situations where a spouse says this, and the marriage is saved.  (And yes, I have seen times when a spouse says this, and it turns out to be accurate.)  There is one problem:  you can’t know on this side of the crisis.

Sometimes, it is not “too little,” and it is not “too late.”  It just isn’t over yet.  The work is only underway, not completed.

I give 5 steps to moving beyond “too little, too late” in this podcast training.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Apologize
Heal The Connection
Your Spouse Is NOT The Enemy
You Need A Plan
(if you have my System) VIP Program

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Is It Too Late To Save Your Marriage? How To Know: #31 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to save your marriage. Should you quit or keep trying?How do you know whether to keep trying or to give up?  Why are some marriages impossible to save, while others just require more effort?  Are there factors that make a marriage harder to save than others?  Is there a time to stop trying?

I hear these questions every week, as people try to decide whether to keep up the effort or if it is just too late, and if they are too tired.

Let’s be very clear:  some marriages cannot be saved.  It has nothing to do with your efforts.  Perhaps the damage is too great or perhaps a spouse just cannot see the possibility.

There are some common reasons that make a marriage more difficult to save.  In this podcast, I discuss 5 complicators, so you know what you are up against. I also discuss why you might be feeling the need to give up, and how to decide if it is a good reason or not.

Take a listen and tell me what you think in the comments below!

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