love and respect – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Love and Respect: An Interview with Emerson Eggerichs

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg August 12, 2020 August 12, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 12, 2020

“What’s love got to do with it??” “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what that means to me!” Tina Turner calls for love, and Aretha Franklin calls out for respect. But what is the connection between love and respect?

Emerson Eggerichs is the author of the book, Love and Respect. As you can tell from the title, Emerson is addressing just that issue.

In his work with couples, Eggerichs kept noticing the cries for respect by men and the cries for love by women. He realized that while we all need love and respect, men tend to need respect more than love, and women need love more than respect (generally speaking).

Here is the problem: men show respect, which can feel unloving; and women show love, which can feel disrespectful. In the end, couples feel unloved and disrespected, creating what Emerson refers to as the Crazy Cycle. And in the process, the marriage keeps spiraling.

The good news is that the cycle can be changed. Love and respect can be restored. And intimacy can return. But only when you understand the dynamics that are fueling the Crazy Cycle.

A while back, I had the opportunity to sit down with Emerson Eggerichs and discuss his ideas about love and respect. While originally, it was for another program, this is important for you to hear. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I let you in on this important interview.

Listen below.

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Disrespect and Boundaries

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 21, 2019

“A” has been trying to set boundaries with her husband. Trying to get the treatment she deserves. Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot.

But then, her spouse throws a little shade her way… rolling eyes, using a demeaning tone. What should she do to set a boundary on that?, she asks.

During the last few episodes of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I’ve been tackling your questions — questions submitted by listeners. (If you have a question for consideration, email it to me HERE.)

In this case, A has a good hold on what to do when, say, her spouse raises his voice or calls her names. But what about those less-clear actions — using a “you’re so stupid” tone (note that this requires you to read a tone… not always a good thing to try).

Sometimes, boundaries are clear. You know how to set them. I even have a whole chapter on it in the primary module of Save The Marriage System.

But when it is more subtle… a little harder to pin down. And a little harder to call someone on. What about that?

I cover it in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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What You May Not Know About Love, Respect, and Civility: #32 Save Your Marriage Podcast

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 19, 2014

I can’t tell you how many times I have had someone tell me, “I am no longer in love with my spouse.” And while they are in my office, I get it. They call each other names, insult each other, blame, are unloving, and disrespectful.

And in the midst of all that, there is a cycle: “If you don’t show my love and respect, I won’t show you love and respect.”

A best-selling book, Love & Respect, Emerson Eggerichs says that men need respect more, and women need love more. He says that men can be unloving while showing respect, and women can be disrespectful when showing love. I think he is onto something. But perhaps there is more to it.

In this week’s podcast, I take a look at the issue of love and respect, but also look at civility and courtesy as a basic platform. If you feel unloved and/or disrespected (or your spouse feels that way), please listen. There is an alternative.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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