marital problems – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Rewriting the Past

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg December 2, 2020 December 1, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 2, 2020

Sounds so philosophical, doesn’t it? Your “created past.” What is that?

We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back on the other times they hurt us. When someone is kind and loving, we think back on the other loving times.

When a couple is connected, they remember connection. When they are disconnected, they remember disconnection.

We rewrite the past, based on the present situation. Usually, we just think about how the past led to the present. But where we are forms what we think about where we have been.

If you are wondering why your spouse can’t remember the happier times, can’t remember the passion, can’t remember the connection, this is it. The memories are being selected and created based on the current pain and disconnection.

Let’s talk more about this in the podcast below:

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What Went Wrong?? – Back2Basics Series

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 20, 2019

It can get so overwhelming, all the information coming at you! What you want is to save your marriage. But you are probably already overwhelmed with the situation… much less, getting help for your situation!

Sometimes, it is just time to “get back to basics.” This B2B series is my attempt to take it down to simplicity… what happened, why did it happen, and what do you do?

In this episode of the podcast (listen below), we take a look at what happened: how your marriage got into trouble, how your relationship got disconnected, and how your marriage slid into crisis.

Since we don’t get much help in understanding what marriage is about (much less, how to be married), it shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages DO get into trouble. The question is, when you find you are in a crisis, what do you do to get yourself and your marriage to a better place?

And so, we start with what went wrong. Discover how a marriage stalls, why it starts falling, and how it ends up in a nosedive.

Listen to the episode below.

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blah, Blah, BLAH… BANG

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 12, 2018

And suddenly… crisis!

(or not)

RARELY does a crisis come “out of the blue.”

Many times, people will tell me that they “had no idea,” or “never saw it coming.” But then, we start talking. And they tell me about those little warning signs along the way. The ones they ignored. Or that they didn’t fully respond to.

Those signs? That’s the “blah, blah, blah’s” that come before the crisis. The “I’m not happy.” The “something’s not quite right.” The “I need something to change.” Those are the “blah’s” that are either missed or ignored.

Or half-heartedly heard.

No real changes. Just attempts to duck the conflict, to change the conversation.

Here’s the thing: if you are already at BANG!, you can’t go back and address the “blah’s”. You do have to deal with the crisis. But you also want to be clear on how you got here. How the “blah’s” got missed. And why you are at BANG!

Let’s talk about it on this week’s episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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The Created Past And Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 5, 2017

Sounds so philosophical, doesn’t it? Your “created past.” What is that?

When a couple is connected, they remember connection. When they are disconnected, they remember disconnection.

Let’s talk more about this in the podcast below:

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Immutable Law: There Is No Pause

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 17, 2016

Every day, I hear the story: “I thought we were just ‘on pause.’ After ______, we would get back to the relationship.” That ______ can be: friends, hobbies, education, job, sports, interests, and often — KIDS.

That time comes (if you even get that far), only to discover that the marriage was not on pause. It was dying.

Sometimes, people find this out when there is no pulse, the relationship strangled of life.

What happened?

The Immutable Law Of Marriage is, “there is no pause in marriage.”

Connection is the life-blood of a marriage. When you think you hit “pause,” you actually began strangling off the connection. Once connection begins to fail, the marriage begins to suffocate.

Let’s talk about why you can’t hit “Pause,” and what to do if you already thought you hit “Pause.”

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fears

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Save The Marriage Video: Will Problems Just Happen Again?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 27, 2011

Has your spouse told you that even if you did work on the marriage, the problems would just come back, so why bother? Or perhaps you did work on your marriage, only to see the problems return.

Does that mean that problems returning is unavoidable? Does that make you or your spouse wonder “what’s the point?”

I would contend that you have “missed the point!” Sure, every marriage has problems. But let me tell you how you can end a problem for good, and be better prepared to deal with any other problems that emerge!

Watch this video!