Close
Enter your
text here
Posts Tagged :

reverse psychology

Every Shortcut Has Gotten You Here. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

All the "short-cuts" got you to here.I admit it.  The phone call got under my skin.  We were traveling and I answered the call.  The person asked if I was the “save the marriage guy.”  I told him I was.  He told me he didn’t want my System.  Just the secret, the “short-cut.”

When I told him he needed the whole System, he said he didn’t want to go through all of that.  He just needed the “trick,” the short-cut.

We went round and round for a couple more minutes.

I realized I was not going to convince him, but all the “short-cuts” he had been trying is what got him to here.

He hung up, likely still looking for the “short-cut.”

And I was left thinking.  Wondering.  Pondering.

And realizing that there is a distinct difference between being efficient and trying to find the “trick.”  Those “tricks” are all the things on the internet about “hypnosis,” “reverse psychology,” “spells,” or any of those other manipulations.

You can be efficient in your efforts.  You can be effective in your plan.  But not by taking the “short-cuts” that are really just tricks.

Can I tell you more about this?  Listen to the podcast below.

Then, let me suggest trying a REAL approach:  the Save The Marriage System you can find RIGHT HERE.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Don’t Try To “Make,” “Get,” or “Cause” Your Spouse To. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Don't try to get, make, or cause your spouse to do something.The conversation starts innocently enough.  Someone wants help saving a marriage.  They tell me about the disconnection haunting the relationship.  They tell me about the hurts and struggles.  They tell me they are desperate to turn things around.

And then they say it.  “How do I get my spouse to. . .” “How do I make my spouse to. . . ” “How do I cause my spouse to. . . .”

They say these things in innocence, really wanting to get things to a better place.  They want to make the marriage work.  They hope to cause a shift in the relationship.  But they are aiming it at their spouse.

Herein lies the problem.  It is about somehow getting, making, or causing a spouse to make a shift — maybe only as far as getting a spouse to think the marriage could be saved.

Innocent.

And doomed for failure.

Why?

Because just behind all three words lurks the same thing:  manipulation or coercion.  And usually with a spouse who is on the defensive, already suspicious and on guard.

And even if they are not, who wants to be manipulated or coerced?  Even if it is in a good direction?

Don’t fall into this trap.  Listen to the podcast below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Marriage Is A WE
No Contact Rule
Reverse Psychology
Save The Marriage System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

What Game Are You Playing?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

What is your game, your ulterior motive, your hidden agenda?We all have hidden agendas.  We all play games.  And these are not “fun” games.  They are mental games.

The problem is, in every game, every hidden agenda, every ulterior motive, there is manipulation and indirectness.

It may work for salespeople, attorneys, and politicians.  But it rarely works for spouses and friends.

When someone is playing a mental game, our “BS” meter becomes hypersensitive.  Something is just not quite right, just a little off.

And because of that, we lose trust.

What is YOUR game?  What is the hidden agenda?  What is the ulterior motive?

Don’t get tripped up by playing those games.

Learn what to do.  And what NOT to do. . . .

Additional Resources:
Save The Marriage System
Virtual Coaching Program

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS