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save marriage program

Hot & Cold
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Is your relationship running hot and cold, close and distant, off and on? It can throw you off. But if you understand what is going on, you can move forward and work on saving your marriage.Hot and cold.  That is often what I hear people describe.  About their spouses.  One minute/hour/day/week, there is warmth and connection… things seem to be improving.  And in the next minute/hour/day/week, the cold returns.  Distance and dread return.  Are things going south?  Is this the time when things don’t turn around?

And then… the pattern repeats again.

It can through you off your efforts, discourage you, even tempting you to give up.

So, what is that all about, anyway?

“M” is in this very situation.  She wants to understand it, so she knows how to respond (not react, but respond).  It may be YOUR question, too.  Especially if your spouse did what M’s spouse did:  Gave the “ILYBNILWY” speech (“I Love You But Not In Love With You”)

I explain what is going on here, and what to do about it.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Confusion or Connection
3 C’s
4th C
Don’t React
Save The Marriage System
My Books

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How to Avoid a Blow-Up
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Avoiding The Blow Up.Slowly, slowly… you are making progress!  You keep working on turning your marriage around… and it is working!

Maybe you think it isn’t moving fast enough.  Or maybe you have just been holding all of those emotions, fears, and hurts, in… and they start to grow.  You can feel it!

But you try hard not to let it out.  To keep on moving forward.  To keep on making connections.

Until…

Maybe it was something small…

Maybe it was yet one more little thing (or even a medium thing… maybe even a big thing!)…

And BOOM!  You blow up!

You use a tone you wish you hadn’t.  You say things you wish you hadn’t.  You do things you wish you hadn’t.

BLOW UP!

… and then it passes.

But the damage is done.

Your efforts can feel like they have been in vain.

So, let’s talk about what to do BEFORE the blow-up!  It is much easier to stay ahead of the problem than to catch up and rebuild after the problem.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Too Late?
Making Up For Mistakes And Backslides
Responsibility
Showing Up
Save The Marriage System

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Out of Nowhere?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Many times, people tell me that their marriage was doing just fine (well, at least OK), and then it was in trouble, “All at once,” that they “didn’t see it coming,” and that others thought they “were the ‘perfect couple’ — then this.”  In fact, many people tell me about love notes and loving cards last year, last month, even last week.

What happened?  How could the marriage fall about, seemingly out of nowhere?

The simple answer is, it didn’t.

Marriage crises do not come out of nowhere, and are far less sudden than you might think.

As one divorce attorney put it, marriages “fall apart little by little, then all at once.”

The hurts, pains, disconnections, lost opportunities, and slights build up over time.  And suddenly, they hit a threshold.  I call it the Threshold Problem.  You didn’t see the threshold coming, until it hits.  Until the marriage runs out of gas.  Then, you have a hard time seeing how you got to the threshold.  So it looks like it was out of the blue, out of nowhere.

But it wasn’t.  It didn’t happen overnight.  And saving it won’t happen overnight.  That is possible, slowly at first, as long as you move with intention in that direction.

Learn more about why a marriage crisis is not “out of nowhere” in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

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