save the marriage – Page 7 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Is It Quitting Time? Resources to Help…

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg August 14, 2019 August 14, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 14, 2019

It would be nice if the process of saving your marriage is straight-forward, direct, and without any bumps along the way.

Rarely is that the case. Many times, it is 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, then 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. Sometimes, it can feel like nothing is moving. Then, things lurch… even jump… forward.

The biggest risk? Discouragement and frustration leading you to quit. Friends and family encouraging you to quit.

No, you don’t have to keep on trying, indefinitely. There are times when you might decide to quit. But what you don’t want to happen is for your emotions to lead you to quit. IF it comes to it, you want to decide to quit. Not just feel like quitting. But making a decision.

Otherwise, you want to make sure you keep heading forward.

And when you are frustrated, feeling discouraged, and listening to those “quit” messages, you may need some help staying on-course.

Below are some selected trainings to help you deal with those times.

Can This Marriage BE Saved?

When You Are Frustrated and Feel Like Giving Up…

When It Seems Easier To Just Quit and Walk Away…

When Discouragement Is Hitting Hard…

4 Fears That Stop Your Efforts

Dealing With NaySayers

3 Ways To Stay In The Game When You Want To Quit

7 Strategies When You Hear “This Will Never Work” and “I Don’t Love You”

Is It Time To Throw In The Towel?

Is It Too Late To Save Your Marriage?

Save The Marriage System

How Do You Know If Things Are Improving?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 7, 2019

Phil asked, “How do you know you are making progress?” And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked, “how long is long enough to be trying before it is unhealthy for me.”

Those are two great, if somewhat polarized, questions. They point to fears of not being able to save a relationship. What to look for? And what to do if those signs are not there?

This can be a bit like staring into the crystal ball… or asking the magic mirror. But these are such important questions that I wanted to answer Phil’s questions… at least as much as I can. There are lots of dynamics and subtleties to a marriage and a spouse, it can be hard to be precise.

But I want to discuss some signs to look for, both in when there is progress and when it is becoming unhealthy.

Listen in for details in this episode of the podcast.

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What Went Wrong?? – Back2Basics Series

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 20, 2019

It can get so overwhelming, all the information coming at you! What you want is to save your marriage. But you are probably already overwhelmed with the situation… much less, getting help for your situation!

Sometimes, it is just time to “get back to basics.” This B2B series is my attempt to take it down to simplicity… what happened, why did it happen, and what do you do?

In this episode of the podcast (listen below), we take a look at what happened: how your marriage got into trouble, how your relationship got disconnected, and how your marriage slid into crisis.

Since we don’t get much help in understanding what marriage is about (much less, how to be married), it shouldn’t be a surprise that marriages DO get into trouble. The question is, when you find you are in a crisis, what do you do to get yourself and your marriage to a better place?

And so, we start with what went wrong. Discover how a marriage stalls, why it starts falling, and how it ends up in a nosedive.

Listen to the episode below.

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4 Fears That Halt Your Efforts… And Don’t Need To

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 22, 2018

You’ve decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress.

Then, BAM! You hit a wall.

A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your plan, get you to give up.

But those fears do not have to be the end of your efforts. In fact, those fears need not do anything to your efforts. Fears and actions are not the same. Fears are fears. Whenever we base our actions on fears, we give them too much power.

When you are working on saving a marriage, there are 4 fears that strike many people… and they may just hit you! And then, you have to decide whether the fears stop your efforts or if they are just “background noise.”

Which will they be for you?

Listen to the podcast episode below.

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5 Reasons Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 7, 2018

I often get emails and phone calls asking, “Why isn’t my marriage turning around? Why aren’t things improving?”

My first assessment is to see how long they have been trying. (I heard from a guy that told me he had spent the afternoon on the marriage, and it was no different!) Sometimes, the timeframe is too short. But sometimes, the efforts have gone along for awhile.

Next, I ask how long the crisis has been going on. Generally, it has been going on longer than the person thinks. They just didn’t know it was in trouble.

After that, the primary reasons why a marriage hasn’t turned (yet) fit within 5 categories.

Your strategy changes, depending upon which category your marriage (or more accurately, your spouse’s response) fits into.

If you can identify the category, you can choose your response for that particular category.

Let’s go through the categories in this episode of the podcast and see if we can plot a course that turns things around.

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One Question That Can Destroy Any Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 13, 2017

There are some questions that can help a marriage. There are many thoughts that can improve your relationship.

But there is one question that will suck the life right out of a marriage. And it is a question you don’t even need to ask another person, in order to do the damage.

In fact, another person won’t make a difference for this question. It is a question lurking within you.

Oh, and did I mention that another question, similar to this question — but very different in direction — can help restore a relationship?

Change the question, change the frame. Get stuck on the question, get stuck in a downward spiral. It’s up to you. . . once you know the question.

Which one are you asking?

(Need some help with your marriage? Grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.)

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“What If I CAN’T Save It?” — Your Fears Addressed

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 12, 2017

Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?” One had been working at it for awhile. The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process. Each has a different meaning. All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved. (But NONE will be saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up. Understand what’s behind it. And learn my answer to the question.

Listen below. . .

(And if you are ready to get started, GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.)

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How Your Marriage Got Out of Shape

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 2, 2016

How did it happen? Your marriage, how did it get into trouble? Probably not overnight. Sure, you can point to a crisis — a fight, an “I’m not happy” talk, an affair discovered, divorce papers served. But that crisis didn’t just pop up.

Your marriage probably got out of shape over time.

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Am I Trying To Brainwash You? (An Open Letter)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 24, 2015

I admit I was a magician in my younger years. But I never did much with mental magic (tricks that make you think I am reading your mind). And I never really got into hypnosis (although I do love a good performing hypnotist – nothing like a person barking on stage!).

Which is why it cracks me up when people have accused me of trying to brainwash their spouse.

I used to deny it. Swear that I was doing nothing to brainwash, hypnotize, or manipulate anyone (or their spouse).

But I gave up.

So, today, I have a confession. Yes, guilty as charged, I am trying to brainwash your spouse. But you may just like what I am doing! (Or you may not, if you don’t believe in commitment, growth, security, concern for family — things like that.)

Here is my confession — for anyone and their spouse that is concerned I am “brainwashing.” (And trust me when I tell you that you seriously overestimate my skills on that one!)

My confession is below:
(And if you are interested in the book I mention, here is the link: http://savethemarriage.com/book)

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What About Trust?: Restoring And Rebuilding — #27

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 5, 2014

It seems that every single day, and sometimes several times a day, I get an email asking a question about trust: “How do I rebuild trust after doing something wrong?” and “How do I trust this person after what he/she did?”

Trust, it seems, is a bit more complicated than first glance would indicate.

I believe that trust is a gift. Sometimes, it is a gift made to expensive, and other times it is a gift made too cheap. But in the end, it is easier to maintain trust than restore trust.

But what do you do if the trust has been destroyed? Can it be rebuilt?

In today’s podcast, I take a look at why trust trips us up, why some people have issues with trust, and how to go about rebuilding trust.

Take a listen and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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