should I tell my friends

I know.  It’s tempting.  Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it.  Maybe your friends would be good to tell.  Or maybe your family can listen.  Or perhaps you should contact your in-laws to “talk some sense” into your spouse.

Don’t.  Stop.  Think again before you share.

Those words that feel so good right now may come back to haunt you can cause other problems when things turn around.

You may be thinking that you will only be telling to get support and love.  And you might get support.  But that support likely includes siding with you.  And if someone sides with you, they will likely side against your spouse.

When you talk to someone about a problem with someone else, you create a “triangle,” to use a term from communication experts.  And that triangle may feel good and feel more stable.  But it complicates the original conflict and issues.

And that often serves to further undermine the relationship… along with the chances for recovery.

Does that mean that you can’t get help and support?

Nope.  You just want to go about getting support the right way.

I discuss the reasons why NOT to tell others about your marriage problems in this week’s podcast episode… along with who TO tell.  Listen below.

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Conflict and Marriage
Communication Is Not The Issue
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Chronic To Crisis
Save The Marriage System

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