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Posts Tagged :

should we separate

When Is It Time To Separate?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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WhenTimeToSeparateI think I have made it clear that I am not a fan of separation.  Generally, it is a trial run at divorce, a “dress rehearsal.”

But is there a time when it is necessary to separate?  When it is actually a good idea to separate?

Many couples face this question every year.  They ponder the question, mulling it over.  Should they separate?  What does a separation do for the prospects of saving a marriage?

Having had this conversation with couples and individuals many times over my career, I can tell you that the conversation, itself, is painful and tough.  Much less, actually separating.

Sometimes, there has to be a separation.  In fact, in one instance, I think it is absolutely necessary.

Then, there are times when you may want to resist, but realize that there is more damage done by NOT separating than by separating.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I answer the question, “When is it time to separate?”  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Separation Resources
“How I Saved My Marriage”
Can You Save Your Marriage?
Anger and Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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Separation: Can It Save Your Marriage (Or Cost You A Marriage)?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Can separation save a marriage?You want to save your marriage.  Your spouse seems to only want to destroy it.  That is a pretty common scenario for people who visit my website.

And so, I often have the question asked, “Should we separate?  Will a separation save my marriage?”

Can a separation save a marriage?

Short answer:  yes, it can.

Longer answer:  a separation can save a marriage, but it is statistically unlikely.  And in my experience, a separation is a step in the wrong direction.

Fairly recent statistics show that around 79% of couples who separate end up divorced.  In other words, 8 out of every 10 couples who separate will divorce.

I view separation as an absolute last resort to save a marriage.  It is, in my opinion, that unlikely to help.

But here is the thing:  if you are stuck in a conflicted and hurting marriage, it can be a very appealing solution.  And yes, you can find “fans” of separation.  There are people who tell you it is an important step in restoring a marriage.

Those people are ignoring the statistics.

They are appealing to your sense of relief that can come from a break in the conflict.

But are there better solutions?  Absolutely. Here is one.

In this podcast training, I tell you why separation is problematic — so that you understand that.  I also tell you how to structure a separation, if it is inevitable and a last resort.  Listen below for help with separation.

RESOURCES:
Article on Separating
Save The Marriage System
Virtual Coaching Program (IF you have the System)

 

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