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Posts Tagged :

spouse wants to leave

“But What If I CAN’T Save It?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"What If I can't save my marriage?"Two phone calls the same day.  Both with the same question:  “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?”  One had been working at it for awhile.  The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process.  Each has a different meaning.  All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved.  (But NONE are saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up.  Understand what’s behind it.  And listen to my answer to the question.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Can This Marriage Be Saved?
My Approach and Why It Matters
DYWAYADAGWYAG
When Your Spouse is Stuck
Grab the Save The Marriage System

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Stages of Crisis Awareness
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis.

How bad is your crisis? What stage is your AWARENESS of the marriage crisis?This is the point where you are aware of the crisis, the level of the crisis, and the potential threat of the crisis.  And just to let you know:  you are NOT at stage 1.  That would be Asleep.  This is the point when you are not even aware that things are in trouble.  You are blissfully unaware of — or choosing to not notice — the looming marriage crisis that is already underway.

But then you wake up to find yourself in the midst of a troubled relationship, a hurting marriage!

Your spouse may be further along the process, and your marriage may be further along the progression of the crisis.  That is independent of your own awareness of the crisis.

In this episode of the marriage crisis, I discuss the 4 stages of crisis awareness, and the 1 thing you need to do — along with some thoughts on how to/how NOT to do that very thing.

Listen in below.

RELATED RESOURCES
FACT of the Crisis
Can The Marriage Be Saved?
Why It Matters
Happy or Hurting?
Save The Marriage System

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“I’m Just Not Happy”… The Excuse to Leave?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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“I’m not happy, you’re not happy. We can’t stay married.” True? Nope. Wrong perspective.What do you do when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy,” as the reason the marriage has to end?  Or how about, “You’re not happy,” or “I can’t make you happy”?

I have heard this reason given over and over.  It is a common (but false) belief that a marriage needs to end because spouses can’t make each other happy.

The fact is, you cannot make your spouse happy.  And your spouse can’t make you happy.  But that isn’t even the goal!

(Just to be fair, it is possible to make someone miserable!  But make them happy?  Nope.  Not possible.  Ever.)

What does it mean when a spouse wants to end a marriage due to “not being happy”?  And what do you do?  How do you respond?

That is the topic of our conversation on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  You can listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Dealing With YOUR Resentment
Dealing With YOUR SPOUSE’S Resentment
Showing Up
Courageous Compassion
3 C’s of Saving Your Marriage
System To Save Your Marriage

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