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Posts Tagged :

spouse won’t work on marriage

Slow Slide, Then All At Once
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Marriages collapse slowly, then all at once.I’ve seen it so many times.  A marriage is slowly, slowly, slowly moving apart.  Then, suddenly, it is ending!  Slowly, then all at once.

A recent survey from a divorce attorney group showed the central dynamic of marriages ending:  they slowly drifted apart.

You may not need a survey to tell you about this threat.  I sure didn’t.  I’ve seen it over and over.  Nothing drastic or sudden.  Just slowly disconnecting.  Slowly drifting apart.  And slowly failing.

Maybe you hit the Pause Button… and didn’t know how dangerous that can be!

Maybe it was easier to just ignore the little issues… the ones that are much larger in the face of disconnection.

But either way, the ending of a marriage just starts slowly, imperceptibly… until one person finally “can’t do it anymore.”  And then, the crisis is deep.  Deeper than you knew.

How does it work?  I cover it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
The Importance of Connection
The Pause Button Marriage
Healing Disconnection
The Save The Marriage System

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“But What If I CAN’T Save It?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"What If I can't save my marriage?"Two phone calls the same day.  Both with the same question:  “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?”  One had been working at it for awhile.  The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process.  Each has a different meaning.  All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved.  (But NONE are saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up.  Understand what’s behind it.  And listen to my answer to the question.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Can This Marriage Be Saved?
My Approach and Why It Matters
DYWAYADAGWYAG
When Your Spouse is Stuck
Grab the Save The Marriage System

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Work on Me, Work on WE?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Do you work on me or do you work on WE? Working on the self or working on the relationship. What if your spouse refuses to work on your marriage?What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves… and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage?  What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on your marriage?

That is the question of the week, asked by Sam.  He said his wife wants to better herself.  Then, maybe she would address the marriage.

As part of my series, answering your questions, I want to address this one.  Because it might just be YOUR question, too!  (If not, you can SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE.)

Many times, when a marriage is in trouble, a spouse (or maybe you) just won’t address the relationship issues, insisting they (or you) need to work on themselves (or yourself) before looking at the marriage.

The binary question:  “work on me or work on WE?” stands out.  But does it have to be so binary.  Is it really one or the other?  Or is there another way to approach this?

If you try to force a spouse to work on the relationship, that won’t work… and might make things better.  So, what CAN you do?

Listen to this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast for my response.

RELATED RESOURCES
Don’t Try to Convince
Showing UP in Marriage
Dealing with Conflict
The Importance of Self-Expansion
The Save The Marriage System HERE

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