5 Myths of Connection: #60 Save Your Marriage Podcast

• October 8, 2014
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

“What happened?,” Julie asked me.  “We were so in love!  We got married, and everything was perfect.  I just thought it would be easy from there!”

Then, Julie began to tell me a story about growing careers, a big social life, passionate pursuit of hobbies, and then children.  Three.  All within 5 years.

One day, when the youngest had just started school, Julie’s husband dressed for work, dimpled his tie, turned toward Julie and said, “I’m not happy, you are not happy.  This is not working.”  Then, he left.

Julie was shocked that he was so matter-of-fact.  Could he really drop that emotional grenade and head to work, acting as if nothing happened?  Julie reeled through the day, lost in her painful thoughts.  Hadn’t they been in love at one point?  Wasn’t this supposed to be “happily ever after?”

Then, Julie saw flashes.  Times when each chose something else — a hobby, an activity, friends, work, children, even the iPhone, over spending time with each other.  Julie realized they had stopped kissing goodnight, stopped holding hands at church, and stopped telling each other about their days.

Oh, Julie had known this.  But she kept telling herself, “When the kids are older. . . ,” “When he gets that promotion. . . ,” “When the triathlon is over. . . ,” “When summer/fall/winter/spring comes. . . .”  She just knew they could reconnect then.

But after each new stage of life, they just continued on the well-worn path of disconnection.

Julie and her husband had drained their battery of connection.  Sure, it was well-charged when they married.  But they kept draining it over the years, neither noticing the battery was nearing being drained.  Then one day, Julie’s husband spoke a truth they both knew:  they were disconnected.  In fact, they were so disconnected that he could say the words and go to work.  He might have know Julie would be caught off-guard.  But he was disconnected enough that he didn’t care.

Connection is like your cellphone battery.  It may carry you through a day or so.  But the more you drain the batter, the longer it will take to recharge.  Keep draining it, and at some point, it will simply shut down.

Let’s look at the 5 myths of connection in this week’s podcast.  See if you are falling into the myths — and headed for trouble.

If you are already there, please grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.

If you want even more advanced training, drop me a note:  [email protected]

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