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Monthly Archives :

February 2016

The Top 10’s You Need To Know
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Top 10 Lists for saving your marriage.Sometimes, it is easier to have a list that you can quickly digest and understand.  No complicated explanations.  Just quick hits of information you need to know.

Recently, I had a series of trainings and podcasts on myths you need to know (and avoid).  I wanted to pull those resources together for you, so you could quickly digest and use the information.

Here are the Top 10 Myths trainings (just click the headline):

Top 10 Myths About Marriage

Top 10 Myths About Marital Therapy

Top 10 Myths About Saving Your Marriage

Top 10 Myths About Divorce

(. . . and some bonus information on saving your marriage. Just click the headline.)

Top 10 Ways To NOT Save Your Marriage

Top 10 Rules To Save Your Marriage

 

Don’t Complicate It
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Don't complicate your efforts to save your marriage! Keep it simple!Sometimes, I am working with a client and suggest an approach, only to hear the next week, “I did that, and I (added this twist), and things got worse!”  I always ask, “Why did you do that?  Why did you make that change?”  And usually, my client says, “It seemed too simple.”

We humans are funny creatures.  We always want to complicate things!

A word of advice:  DON’T!

While it may not be easy, the process of saving your marriage is really simple.  Don’t complicate it. Find your approach, create your plan, and stick with it.

Learn about how to follow a simple process in this week’s podcast.  Don’t complicate it!

RELATED RESOURCES
3 Steps To Save Your Marriage
Have A Plan
Save The Marriage System

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Start With Your Destination
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Begin with the end in mind. What's your destination? Start there.Stephen Cove, in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, noted that you should always start with the end in mind. Great advice.  If you don’t know where you are headed, how will you ever get there?

When I was a child, I loved maps (truthfully, I still do).  I would study the globe and atlas, I would open roadmaps, and imagine all the places you could go.  I loved the idea of so much world out there to explore.

But in the end, a map is useless until you pick a destination.  Then, you can start planning the trip.  If you know where you are going, you can “reverse engineer” the process to get from “here” to “there.”

That holds true for dealing with a relationship, in trouble or not.  If you know where you want to get to, you can begin to navigate in that direction.  Will it be a direct route?  Nope.  But what trip ever is?

Every day, your destination can re-align you, with course corrections along the way.

But if you don’t know where you are headed, then you have a problem!

Pick your destination, and let’s navigate from here to there.

RELATED RESOURCES:
What’s Your Why?
The No Contact Rule Is CRAP
Save The Marriage System

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Are You “Dissing” Your Marriage (right into a disaster)?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Are you Dissing your marriage?Let me just be clear that I have never been cool or hip enough to tell someone they are “dissing” me — at least not with a straight face!

But many people are doing that — dissing their marriage, with 5 different levels of “dis.”  Ending in a Disaster!

Think of these as layers — levels, headed toward deeper and deeper trouble.

And it all starts innocently enough, with disappointment.  It may be disappointment over what marriage is about, or disappointment with the spouse.  That opens the door to a deepening level of pain and difficulties, unless it is addressed at the earliest stages.

Here are the 5 Dis’s that lead to Disaster:

  • Disappointment
    ⬇️
  • Disconnection
    ⬇️
  • Distrust
    ⬇️
  • Disgust
    ⬇️
  • Disdain

So, let me ask again — Are you and/or your spouse guilty of Dissing your marriage?

Learn what happens at each stage, and how to pull back from the looming DISaster.  Listen below (and share, if it is helpful).

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection Help
Be Civil
Respect
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program

 

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3 Problems With Marital Therapy (That Therapists Won’t Tell You)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 problems with marital therapy, therapists won't tell you!Let me say it here, in writing:  I am NOT opposed to marital therapy.  I am quite concerned, however, on how marital therapy happens now.  I am concerned about the effectiveness of marital therapy.  And I am concerned for people who blindly seek out marital therapy, expecting it to help.

If you don’t know it, my training and background is as a marriage and family therapist.  I spent years, and several degrees, preparing to be a marriage therapist.

And I was pretty disillusioned to see how ineffective marital therapy, overall, has been shown to be.  Statistics are about the bigger view, not the specific therapist with a specific couple.  But from the overall view, according to meta analysis of studies, about 75% of people who go to marital therapy still divorce.  Only around 10-15% report a positive help.

Now, you see my issues.  Why, if this is the primary way of helping a marriage, is it so ineffective?  Three reasons:  1) Therapist training, 2) Therapist orientation, 3) Client resistance.

Listen in to this podcast to understand the issues.  Then, you can make a better choice about whether therapy makes sense, how to find a good therapist, and how to make sure you and your spouse are truly ready for therapy.

(And if you aren’t, that doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do!  That is why I created the Save The Marriage System, and why we offer Relationship Coaching.)

 

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