June 2018 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

5 Truths Every Couple Should Know

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg June 27, 2018 June 27, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 27, 2018

Many of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in the beginning stages.

Today, I want to share some information that applies to every single marriage — happy or hurting, starting or staying, even barely hanging on. If you are at the beginning of a marriage — this applies! If you are struggling through — this applies! If you aren’t sure if it will survive — this applies!

A few weeks ago, a reporter asked for some truths for couples. After nearly 3 decades of working with couples, and almost 30 years of marriage, those truths were pretty quick to come to mind.

And after I was done talking, I realized that I needed to share the information in my podcast, so that you could access it, too.

Please, feel free to share it with others who are married, so they know the truth about marriage — and can build a great relationship!

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Marriage and The Goldilocks Principle

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 20, 2018

Remember that children’s story? Goldilocks, lost in the woods, stumbles upon the bear family home — which they had just left. Inside, she finds one bowl of porridge too hot, one too cold, and one just right. Same with chairs: one too soft, one too hard, and one just right. Same with beds: one too soft, one too hard, and one just right. Goldilocks picks (duh) the “just right” option and falls asleep.

But remember: the too hot/cold, too hard/soft items were not too hard/soft, hot/cold for other members of the bear family. We all have “just rights” that are just right to us — not to others.

And that is true with marriage. Healthy marriages are built to be “just right” to both people. In hurting marriages, it may not be “just right” for either. Or it may only be “just right” to one. Both situations can cause strife, conflict, and pain.

This week, let’s talk about how the “Goldilocks Principle” applies to marriage — and how you might be able to get to a “just right” relationship.

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3 Ways To Absolutely Guarantee Marital Therapy Will Fail

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 13, 2018

There it is, right on my website: marital therapy is not particularly effective. And yet, people often contact me to ask, “Where can I get therapy?”

Why?

Because our culture is psychologized and therapized, for good or bad.

So let me be crystal clear: I am NOT across-the-board opposed to marital therapy. There are excellent therapists out there. And there are excellent approaches out there.

It just isn’t guaranteed that you will find the right therapist, or that you and your spouse will approach therapy in a way that will be effective.

Which is the two parts of the problem: Therapist issues and client issues.

This week, I want to discuss 3 ways to really guarantee that your marriage therapy will fail. One is all about the therapist you choose. Two ways are about how you use the therapy.

And here is the super-cool thing: if you know these 3 ways to absolutely guarantee failure… you can avoid them! Then, therapy (if you so choose it) has a chance of helping… and not harming… your relationship.

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Of Apologies and Forgiving

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 6, 2018

We all have hurts from close relationships — and especially in marriages. It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into each other (in hurtful ways) over and over. The problem is when the hurts don’t heal.

Bumps, they happen. Continued pain and hurt from the bumps, that doesn’t have to happen.

Yet, many times, I watch couples dragging the hurts around for way to long. Weeks, months, even years. Not noticing the damage that is happening to the relationship along the way.

There are two parts to the process of healing: apology and forgiving. But, and this is important, they are not dependent upon each other. They are separate. Sometimes, people lump them together. And while they are related, one does not link to the other.

You may apologize and the other person, for example, may not forgive you. Likewise, the other person may not apologize, and yet you still choose to forgive.

Let’s talk about each of these processes and why they are not related… and why that is important. Listen below.

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