May 2021 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

The Connection Principle

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg May 26, 2021 May 25, 2021

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 26, 2021

Connection is the lifeblood of any relationship… and especially a marriage. When connection is cut off, the relationship falters. When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk.

This concept is the backbone of my approach. It is the core of my System — restoring the connection.

Which is the problem. Many people push and push for connection, leading to — ironically — even less connection and more push-back.

The concept of connection as the most important factor in saving a marriage suddenly hits a wall. The techniques people use to restore connection lead to DIS-connection, rather than connection.

Instead of helping, I notice many people are harming their attempts to save their marriage. Not from ill-will but misunderstanding.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I explore the principle of Connect, Don’t Crowd. This principle is the 1st of 10 I covered with my VIP Virtual Coaching members. But it was so important, I wanted to make sure you understand it. (The other 9 are still available to all VIP members.)

Listen below to understand the importance of connection, how to do it, and how to avoid the crowding.

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How to Avoid a Blow-Up

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 19, 2021

Slowly, slowly… you are making progress! You keep working on turning your marriage around… and it is working!

Maybe you think it isn’t moving fast enough. Or maybe you have just been holding all of those emotions, fears, and hurts, in… and they start to grow. You can feel it!

But you try hard not to let it out. To keep on moving forward. To keep on making connections.

Until…

Maybe it was something small…

Maybe it was yet one more little thing (or even a medium thing… maybe even a big thing!)…

And BOOM! You blow up!

You use a tone you wish you hadn’t. You say things you wish you hadn’t. You do things you wish you hadn’t.

BLOW UP!

… and then it passes.

But the damage is done.

Your efforts can feel like they have been in vain.

So, let’s talk about what to do BEFORE the blow-up! It is much easier to stay ahead of the problem than to catch up and rebuild after the problem.

Listen to this week’s podcast episode below.

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Your Blame Addiction

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 12, 2021

Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse’s fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)?

Or maybe you are just blaming yourself. You see this whole mess as YOUR fault.

Blame has one single outcome — STUCK. It robs you of power (and steals away responsibility).

Blame is highly corrosive to connection. And it freezes up the process of change. It freezes out any chance for change.

And it is unnecessary. (Oh, and don’t fall into the trap of just changing who gets the blame. Blame your spouse or blame yourself. Same outcome.)

Let’s break the addiction to blame.

And if you are ready, you can grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.

OTHER HELPFUL RESOURCES
Anger and Marriage
Healing YOUR Resentment
Helping YOUR SPOUSE Heal Resentment
The Importance of Connection
The Save The Marriage System

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If THEY Can’t, Who Can?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 5, 2021

I was busy working on some projects when a news notification popped up on my tablet: “Bill and Melinda Gates Announce They Are Divorcing.” Wow, what a power couple! And they were calling it quits.

Whenever this happens, a powerful and successful couple decides to divorce, I hear from a few people. They look at all of that _______ (you fill in the blank: money, success, resources, connections, etc.) and wonder, “What chance do I have to save MY marriage, if THEY can’t stay together.”

I would presume that Bill and Melinda, along with Jeff and MacKenzie and many other mogul couples, could attend any couples retreat, meet with any therapist/coach, and invest in any intervention to save their marriage.

But they don’t.

Which raises the question for the rest of us… what chance do WE have in our own marriage? Or more specifically, you can ask, what chance do YOU have in saving YOUR marriage?

And what can we learn from the divorces of the rich, successful, and famous?

That is what I cover in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast (and let me just be clear, I have not coached or interacted with anyone I mentioned above — although I have had many interactions with very successful people in very unhappy marriages… and the lessons are the same).

Listen in below.

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