November 2024

I know.  It’s tempting.  Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it.  Maybe your friends would be good to tell.  Or maybe your family can listen.  Or perhaps you should contact your in-laws to “talk some sense” into your spouse.

Don’t.  Stop.  Think again before you share.

Those words that feel so good right now may come back to haunt you can cause other problems when things turn around.

You may be thinking that you will only be telling to get support and love.  And you might get support.  But that support likely includes siding with you.  And if someone sides with you, they will likely side against your spouse.

When you talk to someone about a problem with someone else, you create a “triangle,” to use a term from communication experts.  And that triangle may feel good and feel more stable.  But it complicates the original conflict and issues.

And that often serves to further undermine the relationship… along with the chances for recovery.

Does that mean that you can’t get help and support?

Nope.  You just want to go about getting support the right way.

I discuss the reasons why NOT to tell others about your marriage problems in this week’s podcast episode… along with who TO tell.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Conflict and Marriage
Communication Is Not The Issue
Anxiety and Anger in a Crisis
Chronic To Crisis
Save The Marriage System

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You want to save your marriage.

Right?

That is why you are here, right?  So, what might get in your way?  How might you fail in your efforts?

Let me be clear:  in this podcast episode, I discuss 3 ways YOU may fail at your efforts.  This isn’t about why your efforts will fail, because of a spouse… or family… or an affair… or anything outside of, well, you.

Which is why this episode is so important for you.  The 3 ways you may fail, they are all about choices and decisions you can make.  You have control.

But first, you need to know about these 3 ways you may fail.  I’ll tell you what they are, and how to make sure you don’t fall into the fail traps they create.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
3 Failpoints of Saving A Marriage
Marriage Failpoint Book
3 Reasons Your Efforts Might Fail
Save The Marriage System

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I had nearly back-to-back discussions with people about coaching and therapy. One wanted to know if I could see them and their spouse. The other wanted to know if they could go to marital therapy alone.

You may already know that I have concerns with marital therapy (yes, I am trained as a therapist).  But there are times when marital therapy (given the right circumstances) can be helpful.

But can you do it alone?

Early in my career (I was still finishing my Ph.D., but was already providing therapy), I realized that my approach was more of a coaching approach.  So, immediately after my dissertation was finished, I started a multi-year coach training program.  And since then, I have offered coaching services to people who want to thrive, whether in life or in a marriage.

Many times, that means I am speaking with one person.  So, can you do coaching together?  With your spouse?

Well, since I had those questions so close together, I decided I could answer it for more people in an episode of my podcast.  So, here it is!

You can listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
No, this won’t save your marriage (but might be what therapy focuses on)
What DOES determine success or failure in therapy?
Top 10 myths about marital therapy
3 times when coaching can help
Grab the Save The Marriage System

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