March 2025

There are lots of mistakes people make in their efforts to save their marriage.   This particular mistake is what I consider to be the 3rd biggest.  I hear it in the questions people send me every single week.

In fact, I hear this mistake probably 3 or more times each day.  And here is the sad thing:  the mistake is made with all the best of intentions. . . and all the worst of results.

Like all mistakes, it is avoidable.  (If something is unavoidable, it can’t be a mistake; a mistake always has an alternative that could avoid the mistake.)

I am betting you have made this mistake.  (I have.)  My hope is that, once I point it out, it will be so obvious that you will not repeat it.

RELATED RESOURCES:
3 Problems With Marital Therapy
Avoid The 3 A’s
Separation:  Will It Help?
Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Believe You Will Change
“I’ve Changed” and 3 Other Things NOT To Say
Grab the Save The Marriage System

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Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it.  Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game.  Or even a trick for a better pancake.  A hint for a better pushup.

But hints and tricks won’t work for saving a marriage.

Which is what I try to explain when I get the daily emails and voicemails, just asking for a hint or trick.  Nothing wrong with asking.  But the answer is, “you need more than a hint or trick.  You need an approach.  You need a system.”

But you also need a starting point, a way to get beyond the stuck point.  Most people just don’t know how to start, so they start with hints and tricks.  And then they realize there is more to this, more to the crisis.

When people tell me that they had a great marriage “until a week/month/year/___ time period ago, when ___________ happened,” they are missing that the seeds of the crisis were planted long before.

And that is why we need to fix the underlying issues, address the underlying problems, and rebuild in a sustainable way… for a long-term marriage.

In this episode of the podcast, I use the acronym from Gay Hendricks of FACT.  We will FACT out your marriage crisis and get you moving forward.

Pay attention to the choice of path (3 W’s), and your action plan (3 C’s) in order to make a real shift as you face the FACTs of your crisis.

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection is Vital
You Need a Plan
3 C Approach
3 Levels of Connection
Save The Marriage System

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I know it hurts.  And I know that the pain, the anger, and the frustration can get you to act in ways that are not helpful.

Lots of people are not sure about what TO do (which is why I created the Save The Marriage System). But they may be less clear on what they should STOP doing.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I tell you about 5 very common, very unhelpful, things I see people do when they are trying to save their marriage.

And unfortunately, they get the exact opposite of what they want.  They want to have a spouse want to work on things, pivot away from separation or divorce, and return to the marriage.  Instead, they get distance and a hardened belief that there is no other option than ending things.

Which is why you DON’T want to fall into any of these 5 traps.

Oh, and I will also let you in on 3 things you should be doing (none requires your spouse to participate — at the beginning).

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Save The Marriage System
Why Connection Matters
The No Contact Rule Crap
Ways to NOT Save Your Marriage

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So, what DO you do when apathy strikes?  It might be YOUR apathy.  But more likely, it will be your spouse’s apathy. (And it might be both of you!) It just seems there is no emotion, no care, no concern.

What IS apathy?

What does it mean?

Why does it happen?

And most importantly, what can you do about it?

This week, we explore dealing with YOUR apathy, then dealing with YOUR SPOUSE’S apathy.

RELATED RESOURCES
You Are The Best Tool
Dealing With Disconnection
“Too Little, Too Late”?
Start With What Is
You Need A Plan
3 C’s Of Saving Your Marriage
Dealing With Anxiety
No Contact Is Crap
No Reverse Psychology
Interview with Gary Chapman
Save The Marriage System

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