Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

When I was 10 or 11 years old, my father took us to my first haunted house.  It was right near our church, and was run by a community group that was fundraising.  My father thought it would be good, clean fun. A few little scares, but nothing else.

The building was old, and scary by itself.  And I should have known when the “ghoul” of a guide jumped out and scared us.  But I innocently followed our guide into that building.

Never since have I been so terrified!  They were not there for us to have a good time.  The volunteers were out to scare us as much as possible!  And it worked.  I was terrified.

Every Halloween, I think back to how scary those monsters were.  All I wanted was to get out of that building.  And I had no idea how.  So, all I could do was keep moving forward, facing one “monster” after another.

Too many times, I see marriages that have become monsters.  They are scary.  They are destructive.  And many times, the people just want out.

But as every old horror movie will show you, every monster has a weakness.  Every monster can be defeated.  IF you know what that monster is about, and you know the monster’s weaknesses.

In honor of the season it is, I wanted to tell you about 5 Marriage Monsters, how they behave, and how to defeat them.

Marriage Monster #1:  The Zombie Marriage

In a zombie marriage, the spouses just pass each other, no life in their eyes, barely grunting at each other.  There is no life in the relationship.  They just drudge through the days, their relationship among the “living dead.”

Neither takes action to hurt the other.  But if either one tries to bring life into their relationship, the other sucks those brains right out!

If you could get deeply enough in, neither one wants to be infected by the zombie virus.  But neither does anything to truly change it.

Marriage Monster #2:  The Frankenstein Marriage

A Frankenstein Marriage is built innocently.  They had the best of intentions to create new life in the marriage.  But they didn’t know what they were doing.  So, the couple patches a little from here and a little from there.  They do things just like some people, and refuse to do it like other relationships they have seen.

Since they never really knew what they were creating, they never quite get the “soul” into it.  And so, it just wanders the meadows with no clear direction, wreaking havoc with anyone in its path.  The marriage doesn’t even know what is wrong.  Just that something isn’t right.

Marriage Monster #3:  The Mummy Marriage

Sometimes, people just can’t quite let go of the past.  They just want to dig up the old stuff.  So, off they go on an archeology dig, unearthing old stuff — and releasing mummies along the way.

Those mummies do hurtful things.  They rage over injustices from the past.  They try to live in the present.  And as long as people keep giving them power, they grow stronger.

It seems that people forget that those mummies are just dust on the inside.  One tug on the wrapping, and everything falls apart.  The curse only happens, though, when those dead mummies are unearthed.  Had they only been left alone. . . .

Marriage Monster #4:  The Vampire Marriage

Vampires suck their victims of life, then move on.  Usually, they charm their way in, but are only there to get what they want.  Every move is an attempt to position themselves to gain their life-sustaining need, but in the process, sucking the victim dry.

Whenever I hear this phrase from a couple:  “me, me, me,” I know they are suffering from a vampire marriage that will suck them dry.  Marriages are about expressing love, not constantly trying to extract love.

In vampire marriages, people keep score, but only in their own ledger that is constantly weighted in their favor.  They only see what they put in, and what the other person puts in is invisible.  If they were to only look in the mirror, they would see there is no reflection.  They are out for what they can get, but don’t know it yet.

Marriage Monster #5:  The Werewolf Marriage

Many marriages suffer from this monster.  By day, all looks fine.  The mild-mannered marriage goes along its merry way.  But then, as the moon begins to rise (as something triggers the people), they are transformed into vicious creatures, capable of tearing the throats of each other.  They fight, tooth and nail, to satisfy the burning anger.

But as daylight comes, they return to their mortal senses.  And for the most part, they refuse to notice the damage done.  They act as if nothing is wrong.  Oh, sure, deep down inside, they sense that something is amiss.  But they dare not look too closely.

And in the process, they miss the damage that each episode brings.  Others cower and avoid.  They try to find out what the trigger was.  They try to avoid those nights of destruction.

Can These Monsters Be Defeated?

Fortunately, every horror film reveals one important fact:  every monster, no matter how scary or destructive, has a weakness.  Every monster can be defeated.

But only if you know the secret.  Only if you know why the monster is there, what the monster’s weakness is, and only if someone is courageous enough to take the monster on.

Courage and information.  That is all you need to defeat your marriage monster.

Identify the monster that has attacked your marriage.  Then listen to the special audio below to understand the weaknesses of each.  Then commit to striking down that Marriage Monster!

RELATED RESOURCES:
Original Zombie Marriage Podcast
Show Up
No Ledger
Be A WE
The System
Coaching

(Music courtesy of Purple-Planet.com)

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