Save Your Marriage Podcast – Page 30 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“Is It All About Being The ‘Nice Guy/Gal’?” – NOPE

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 24, 2018 January 26, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 24, 2018

Many of my podcasts come from questions from listeners (if you have an idea for a podcast, email me here). And that is absolutely true this week. In fact, it is from an email I received.

The question was fair. So, I decided to respond for everyone to hear.

Here is the basic question: “Is your System really just about being the ‘nice guy’? If so, doesn’t that mean you get disrespected?” (I will read the email, minus identifying info, in the episode.)

So, yes, I do think being a nice person is a good start. But no, that is not the real point of my System. Being civil is a building block, a starting point.

Being a jerk is rarely a good start on rebuilding.

But the nice, that is just about being civil. Not a “push-over.” In fact, I believe having boundaries and setting them is critical. But so is having a high standard for yourself.

My whole System? Nope.

A good starting point? Absolutely. It always is.

But not if you just allow yourself to be walked on.

Listen to this episode for more details and explanation.

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“Can I Convince My Spouse To Stay?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 17, 2018

I sometimes check to see what people might search on my website. It helps me to understand what difficulties people are having. And often, it helps me decide on podcast topics.

One phrase appears repeatedly in searches: “Can I convince my spouse to stay?” or “How can I convince my spouse to save our marriage?”

So, in this episode of my podcast, I answer that very question.

If you want the simple answer, here it is: “No.”

But there is a follow-up: “At least, not directly.”

If you want a bit more detail, please listen to the podcast for further details. I cover WHY you can’t convince a spouse, HOW that might be more damaging if you try, and WHAT to do instead (5 core things you need to be doing).

So, if you have been wondering how/if you can convince a spouse to save your marriage, let’s discuss it on this week’s podcast!

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The Power of Apology and Forgiving

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 10, 2018

Any intimate relationship is going to lead to some hurts along the way. It’s just impossible to be that close to someone and not bump into each other (and each other’s emotions) every now and then.

The question is what you do when the hurt hangs around. It lingers and lurks, eating away at the connection — unless it is released.

Which is where apologies and forgiving come in.

Each serves a purpose to clear the air.

But to be clear, they aren’t necessarily linked. You might apologize and not be forgiven. You might forgive even without an apology. Each comes from your choice.

Let’s talk about what’s behind each: the elements of an apology and the decision to forgive.

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“Why Does It Hurt So Much?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 3, 2018

I recently took a phone call. The caller told me that the pain of her marital problems was horrible. She told me it was physically painful. She was truly hurting.

But she wasn’t sure why it was hurting so much.

Let’s be clear: a marital crisis is incredibly stressful, scary, and painful. It feels like everything you know is up in the air. Your life can feel like a train wreck.

During our discussion, I explained to the caller why it was so painful.

But I also explained the real danger of the pain: it can keep you from taking action. Kinda like touching a hot stove. You don’t want to do THAT again! Except that avoiding only makes things worse.

So, I also shared my thoughts on the need to switch from “Why” (“Why does it hurt?”) to “What” (“What do I do now?”)

I share my thoughts on why it hurts and what to do on this week’s podcast. Listen below.

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The Fantasy and Fallacy of Infidelity

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 27, 2017

Infidelity is powerful. And destructive.

It is also powered by fantasy. Oh, and did I mention the fallacy of infidelity?

We don’t have clear figures about infidelity. Estimates are that around 1/5th to 1/4th of people, male and female, commit infidelity. This estimate is based upon physical infidelity.

Emotional infidelity is much harder to track. Many people are unable to distinguish between

emotional infidelity and “good friend,” or “we just talk.” So, many commit emotional infidelity, but aren’t clear about it.

In this week’s podcast episode, I expose the fantasy and fallacy that fuels infidelity.

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5 MORE Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 20, 2017

In the last episode, I covered 5 myths of marriage that can get you into trouble. In this episode, I reveal 5 more. Equally dangerous.

Especially in your efforts to save your marriage.

The first set of myths were about the nature of marriage.

This set of myths are assumptions about what happens to a marriage in trouble.

If you or your spouse believe these myths, you might find yourself really struggling with any attempt to save your marriage.

Take a listen to these myths of marriage that may be hurting your efforts to save your marriage.

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5 Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 13, 2017

Myths aren’t just interesting stories. They are pieces of false information that can get us into trouble. Myths form false beliefs that can cause you to act in damaging ways. And there are quite a few myths around marriage.

Each myth can cause problems. But most people believe multiple myths, multiplying the mess.

Myths make assumptions and form ideas. If you believe the myth, the ideas make sense. And the actions based on those ideas make sense.

Except that the underlying assumptions are false.

Which means the actions are faulty.

But the damage is real.

If you know someone (or even belief it yourself) who thinks there is “THE One,” the one person destined to be your spouse — you already know one of these myths. And you may have discovered the damage done. If not, you may discover it down the road.

In this week’s podcast episode, I cover 5 myths. In the next episode, I will cover 5 more.

See if YOU believe any of these myths.

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The ARC of Saving Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 6, 2017

Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shift. My System on saving a marriage is the same path to having a thriving marriage. In fact, my focus from the beginning was on how to have a thriving life in all areas of living — including in marriage.

Which means that there are many cross-over points between how we thrive and how we save a marriage.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss three anchors of Thrive Principles that can help you address the issues in your marriage.

These three principles can help you save your marriage. Just remember the acronym, ARC.

Acceptance
Responsibility
Control

Use these three principles as you work to save your marriage.

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3 Ways You Diss Your Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 29, 2017

I am way too uncool to ever use “Diss” in a conversation.

That said, I will drop it into a headline, because I see too many couples “dissing” their relationship, without even meaning to.

Distraction, Disinterest, and Disconnection lead to Disrespect of your relationship.

And it often becomes habit, usually without you meaning to.

The bad news is, these 3 ways you “diss” a relationship eat away at the foundations.

The good news is that once you know what you are doing, you can change it. Even turn it around.

Learn how you are dissing your marriage, and how to stop in this week’s podcast.

disListen below.

RESOURCES:
Power of Connection
Marriage Crisis Mistakes to Avoid
Why Your Efforts May Be Failing
Save The Marriage System

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Surviving Disconnection

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

November 22, 2017

Survival has been the theme for the last few weeks. Not just surviving, but overcoming and thriving. We’ve covered separation, infidelity, conflict, the “Golden Hour,” mistakes, and Empty Nest/Mid Life Crisis. This week, we end the series on surviving as we turn our attention to disconnection.

Really, in many ways, disconnection is the underlying issue. It leads to separation and infidelity. It amplifies conflict. It precipitates the crisis. It contributes to the mistakes. And an empty nest/midlife is a marriage crisis because of the disconnection.

Which makes it so important to cover this week.

If you want to resolve a marriage crisis, you have to survive the disconnection — and create renewed connection.

Connection is the lifeblood of a relationship, and especially a marriage. As the connection goes, so goes the relationship — unless you solve the disconnection.

Let’s talk about why the disconnection is such an issue and how to solve it.

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