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Save Your Marriage Podcast

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“Where Do I Focus?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Don't know where to put your focus?Whenever I am alone on a long drive, I try to answer all the calls I can.  This past weekend gave me another opportunity.  I delivered my son to college and had an 8 hour drive home.

I answered a call as I was leaving the mountains.  The woman on the call told me she had my System.  But in the midst of the crisis, she needed some shortcut.  She wanted a simple place to focus.

First, I got her to promise me she would read the whole System and apply ALL of it.  She promised she was looking for real guidance.  Not just a trick or easy answer.

I told her there are 2 places of focus, as far as I was concerned.  If I boiled it all down, this gave her 2 “handles” to hold onto as she put her plan together and moved forward.

Sometimes, when you are under pressure, some pretty good things come out of it.  My 2 words of focus for her?  “Respect” and “Connect.”  It was good enough that I wanted to share this with you.

Listen to the podcast below to learn what I mean (even if you don’t feel respect and aren’t feeling connected).  And how to get started!

RELATED RESOURCES:
Having A Plan
Dimensions of Connection
Respect
My System
How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
Coaching Services

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Don’t Wait For Confidence
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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dontwaitconfidenceConfidence and capability.  Two big blocks holding people back from saving their marriage — unnecessarily!

People call or write me and tell me they are absolutely ready to do whatever it takes to save their marriage. . . IF I can tell them their marriage can be saved. . . BEFORE they take action.

They want confidence.  But that puts it in the wrong order.  Confidence does not come before action.  It comes as a result of having taken action.

Which leads to people asking, “how do I take action?”  That is all about having capabilities — abilities and knowledge, tools, skills.  THAT isn’t even the starting point.  In some ways, that is the easier part of the process. (If you want to gain the skills and knowledge, get the tools, and create capabilities, GRAB THIS SYSTEM.)

Don’t wait for confidence.  Listen to this week’s podcast for where you REALLY start.

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The 3 Dimensions of Connection
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3dimensionsofconnectionConnection is the lifeblood of marriage.  In fact, we are wired for deep connection.  And while the connection works best within the marriage relationship, it is not singular.

Many couples find connection in only one or two areas, missing that second or third dimension of connecting.  Often, over time, this begins to eat away at the connection a couple shares.

Disconnection tends to breed disconnection.  When there are areas missing, they begin to chip away at the other areas.

But connection tends to breed connection.  As you work to reconnect, and as you focus on all three dimensions, there is a multiplying effect.  Connection deepens and broadens, leading to more and more connection.

Listen to this week’s podcast to discover the 3 Dimensions of Connection.

(If you need more help with connection, CHECK OUT THIS TRAINING.  And if you want a System for connection, GRAB THE SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM.)

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Why Getting A Spouse To Agree Is Dangerous
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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whygettingspouseagreedangerousI know. You want to convince your spouse to see things your way.  So, you set out to “get” your spouse to agree with you.

…And you have now begun walking down a very dangerous path.

(I bet you didn’t think so, did you?)

Almost always, trying to get your spouse to agree will backfire — and even make things worse.  Sometimes, much worse.

Can I share with you why this can be so dangerous and how to avoid this problem?  This is something you want to fully understand.

(If you want a better way, GRAB THIS and get started.)

 

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Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Marriage is about becoming a WE.There are some “laws” of marriage.  You may not even know what they are.  And if you don’t know what they are, you may just be breaking them.  And if you are breaking them, well…

If you don’t know about the law of gravity, but you obey it, you are safe.  But whether you know about gravity or not… if you try to break it, it will likely break you.  I have tons of scars to highlight the many times I lost to gravity.

Don’t let your relationship lose to the laws, just because you don’t know them… and you don’t know you are breaking them.  14 Laws are below.  Click the link for further training on each.

You can find the entire Immutable Laws of Marriage Series here:

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series (Click On Each Link Below)

#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE

#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)

#3 We ALL Have Fear

#4 There Is NO Pause

#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood

#6 The Goal Of Conflict Is Progress

#7 Love Is What You Do

#8 Look For The Best In Your Spouse

#9 You Have To Show Up

#10 Civility and Respect Is A Choice

#11 Trust Is A Gift

#12 Forgiveness Is Not A Blank Check

#13 Boundaries Protect A Marriage

#14 Marriage Is NOT 50/50

(If you need some help in putting it all together and saving your marriage, GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.)

5 Reasons To Save Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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5reasonssavemarriageSometimes, in the midst of trying to save your marriage, you can get lost.  You can forget why you are doing this.  Your spouse’s negativity, the negativity of others, may drown out your “why.”

Don’t let it.  This is important work.  Not easy.  Not comfortable.  But important.

We live in a “disposable” society.  No need to learn and grow.  No reason to work and improve.  Just toss it aside.  And the legal system makes it so easy.  A colleague of mine, Mike McManus, says that “no-fault” divorce is the wrong term.  It is really just “unilateral” divorce.

In this week’s podcast, I want to remind you of the good reasons, the powerful reasons, why you are working to save your marriage.

Maybe this is a little bit of “pep talk,” but it is really just a reminder of just how important your efforts are.

If you have other important reasons, please include them in the comments area below.

(And here is a training on why “Why” is so important.)

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Why You and Your Plan Are Stalled
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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whyplanstalledAre your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled?  Maybe we should take a look at your plan.

You do have a plan, don’t you?

Let’s talk about 5 reasons your plan (or lack of plan) may be the trouble — and what we can do to make a switch.

To be crystal clear, all 5 reasons are in your control.  YOU can choose how you move forward in each of these issues.  You may not have control over your spouse’s reaction, but you do have choices in your planning and execution of your plan.

Check out these related trainings:
Points of Failure
Your Reasons Why

And check out these resources:
How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps book
The Save The Marriage System

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Don’t Get Caught In The FOF Trap!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Avoid the FOF Trap -- Fear of Failure!There is a trap waiting. It springs on you, sometimes even before you get started with saving your marriage. That same trap is waiting for you at every point of the process. You can easily get stuck in it.

What’s the trap? I call it the FOF Trap — Fear of Failure Trap.

We humans have a disproportionate fear of failure that we can either set aside or allow to trap us.

How many actions and options have you missed because you were afraid it might not work out? How many opportunities pass us all by because we are afraid that it we might fail? Oddly, when we allow FOF to dominate, we absolutely fail and miss out.

Don’t let this trap keep you from restoring your relationship. Decide there is another option. Move boldly toward your efforts.

Listen to this week’s podcast to find out how to avoid the FOF Trap.

(Ready to move forward?  Grab the Save The Marriage System.)

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How Boundaries Transform Any Relationship (including a marriage)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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5 ways boundaries help your marriage, make relationships easier, and allow you to grow.Boundaries may be a new concept for you.  Or you may already be working on setting boundaries for you and your marriage (I discuss it at length in my Save The Marriage System).

I believe that boundaries are foundational to having a thriving life.  Add in standards, mix a little “make an impact,” and you have an amazing life.

Boundaries are a “No” to how you are treated.  They set your limits of acceptable behavior.  Think of it as a fence in your backyard, marking your “territory.”  People in your fence are expected to be respectful and nice.

But here is something I have noticed:  many people treat boundaries like a weapon.  When upset, they take them out and beat someone back.  While it is important to set a boundary in the face of mistreatment, I would suggest that boundaries can be softer.  They can set the stage for a healthy relationship, drama-free and loving.

This week, I have the opportunity of discussing this with one of my top coaches, Terri Hase.  Listen in as Terri and I discuss 5 ways boundaries can transform your relationships — including your marriage.

(If you want some more training on boundaries, click here and here.)

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Gratitude In The Midst Of Crisis
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to find gratitude in the midst of crisis, marriage or otherwise.Here we are, right at Thanksgiving Day in the United States.  The day we are supposed to be filled with gratitude, feeling thankful for those around us.

Which may feel like a tall order if your marriage is in the middle of a crisis (or if you are in any sort of crisis for that matter!).  What, gratitude when life stinks?

Yep.

In fact, gratitude is even MORE important when we are in the midst of a crisis.  Yes, it is important every day.  But when your life is upside-down, gratitude can help you get it rightside-up.

Is it easy?

Nope.

Is it important?

Yep.  So, let’s talk about finding gratitude (not just having gratitude, but finding it) in the midst of a crisis.

Need more on being thankful and feeling gratitude?  Listen here and here.

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