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Save Your Marriage Podcast

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7 Steps To A Marriage Saving Mindset: #45 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save your marriage by reaching for more.If you have decided to save your marriage, you have REACHED toward something many people don’t.

Saving your marriage can be a difficult process.  It will challenge you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  And in the process, you can choose whether to fall victim to the process or be transformed by the process.

In this podcast, I invite you to be transformed.  In fact, I offer you 7 steps that will allow you to transform your mindset, your life, and quite possibly, your marriage.  If you follow these 7 steps, you will find a path of growth.  If you do not, you may find yourself caught in blame and misery.

Please take a listen and let me know what you think.  Would you add any other steps?  How have you already taken some of the steps?  What steps WILL you take?  Commit to the change and let us know in the comments area below.

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3 Things You MUST Do After An Argument: #44 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Arguments.  We all have them.  Few of us believe they are useful.  Most people find them hurtful and destructive.

Yet we still argue.

After a lifetime of arguments, do we really believe that this argument or the next one is going to work better?

And yet we still argue.

A number of years ago, I was speaking with a very conflicted couple.  They were once again arguing in my office.  I once again stopped them as they began to spiral down into yet another argument about yet the same issues they had covered over and over in the past (with no resolution).

I told them we HAD to get the arguing stopped.  I noted the arguments they were having were not solving anything, and weren’t even trying to solve anything.  They were just trying to score points against each other.  They looked at each other, looked at me blankly, and said, “If we don’t argue, what will we do?”

Habit.  Their arguing had become habit.  It was their default way of communicating.  They solved nothing, but they couldn’t figure out another way to communicate.

Been there?  Done that?  Argued and argued, even with that small voice telling you, “This is not going to go well.  This is not going to solve anything.”  Or perhaps you had another little belief, “This time, they will see that I am right.  This time, my spouse will see that my logic, my reasoning, is correct.”

My guess is the argument ended the same way:  both people hurt and neither person changing views.  In fact, generally, we dig in even deeper and hold even tighter to our beliefs (even if we might secretly doubt ourselves).  And you might even find yourself justifying that you’ve been done wrong (those thoughts may even be worthy of a country music song).

Why do we do it?  Why do we argue?  This week, in the Save Your Marriage Podcast, I cover some reasons why we argue, why they don’t work, and what to do about it.

The real focus, though, are the 3 things you MUST do after an argument.  Let me tell you now:  none of the 3 are about an apology.  That is too easy.  This is about getting below the argument and examining what is going on with YOU, and why YOU got caught up in the argument.

Only from there can anything change.

Let me know what you think in the comments are below!

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Why Do Good People Have Bad Marriages?: #43 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Why do good people have bad marriages and how to save it.In my years as a therapist, I met the nicest people. . . many suffering in painful relationships.

Sometimes, it can seem so confusing.  Why can two nice people struggle so much to have a good marriage?  How do two people that seemed so loving when they married, end up feeling frustrated and ready to walk away?

There are some reasons why this happens.  In fact, there is a common pattern, almost a cascade of events, that leads to a painful, conflicted, or disconnected relationship.

The nice thing is once you see the pattern, you can begin to break the pattern and rebuild the relationship.

Would you like to know about that pattern?

Please listen to the free podcast audio below and discover the reasons why good people can have a bad marriage — and how to keep that from happening.

Oh, and let me know what you think in the comments are below.

And if you are ready to get started rebuilding, please grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.

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Is Your Marriage Chronically Stuck and Acutely Painful?: #42 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save your marriage in spite of chronic hurt and acute pain.Is your marriage in a chronic state of stuck?  Does your relationship suffer from acute periods of pain?  Often, those moments of acute pain lead to a chronic state of “stuck.”  But that chronic state of “stuck” also creates the potential for more moments of acute pain.

Feeling stuck can lead to reactions of pain and anger.  And those flares of pain and anger simply adds to the feeling of being stuck.

Do you stay stuck or do you leave for something better?  Or do you find a third solution:  a way to move the marriage out of stuck and to what Relationship Coach Annette Carpien refers to as having a “juicy marriage?”

Annette should know.  She is a part of my team of highly skilled, highly trained, and highly effective Relationship Coaches.  But more than that, she has traveled the terrain.  She went from stuck to “juicy marriage” in her own life.  gling

In this podcast, Annette and I discuss how to break through the pain, how to break through the stuckness, even how to break through a desire to quit the relationship.  We talk about how your thoughts get in your way, how to stop struggling with your thoughts, and then how to choose your thoughts.

We discuss some habits you can make for yourself to “rewire” your behavior and your brain, and how to shift your relationship to one of vision and possibility.

Ready to discover and build a “juicy marriage?”  Please take a listen.

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The Trick to Saving Your Marriage. Careful. . . .: #41 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Look in the mirror while you save your marriage.Are you working to save your marriage?  Are you trying to figure out the trick to doing that?

Be careful.

Yesterday, I sent an email out to a group, asking what their “burning question” was about how to save a marriage.

Within minutes, the emails started coming in.  By the end of the night, hundreds of emails were in my inbox.  They are still arriving today.

I asked the question for one simple reason:  I wanted to know what people might want to hear about or read about in my articles and podcasts.

There were some common themes about affairs and disconnected marriages.  There were concerns on how to communicate with a distant or angry spouse.  There were questions about how to approach issues like money, children, finances, forgiveness, and household responsibilities.

And there were questions about “tricks” or techniques to short-cut the process.  We all want that, don’t we?  The diet industry makes a fortune each year, parading out the latest tip or trick to turn that fat to muscle.

We all want the short-cuts, the most direct route to anything.  This is especially true about painful things — saving your marriage being one of those.

In this week’s podcast, I wanted to talk about how to save your marriage, but without falling into the “trap” of a “trick.”  Sometimes, those “tricks” really run counter to who we truly are.  We find ourselves making ethical and moral “adjustments” that leave us unable to feel good about looking in the mirror.

There are 5 points to keep in mind, as you work to save your marriage.  Listen and learn those 5 points.

Let me know if you would add others in the comments area below!

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How To Never Be Unhappy In Your Relationship Again: #40 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save Your Marriage and Never Be Unhappy In A RelationshipIs it possible to never be unhappy in a relationship?  Is there a shift you can make that changes the whole equation?

You may come to this site, unhappy in your relationship and frustrated with life.  What if there is one shift that changes the equation?  And what if that one shift is something entirely in your control?

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast, I talk with Nina Potter, one of the Relationship Coaches on my team.  Nina’s upcoming book is entitled “How To Never Be Unhappy In A Relationship Again.”  That is a bold claim.  Listen and let me know if Nina convinces you!

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4 Practical Steps for Calm in the Storm: #39 How To Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to save your marriage by finding your calm in the storm.Does it feel like a storm is swirling around you, pushing you back and forth?  That is a typical, but not particularly helpful, in a marriage crisis.

In fact, when our brain is in crisis mode, it hijacks our body and our mind.  You become less effective in your efforts to save your marriage.

The bad news is, this process is what happens when you are on automatic.  The good news is that there are some things you can do to short-circuit your overwhelm.

Today, I want to share 4 very practical, very powerful, and very simple strategies you can use to get your brain to switch.  Not only that, but if you apply these strategies (actually, 4 simple actions), you can re-wire your brain and have your mind functioning.  This is not “woo-woo” stuff.  All the strategies are well-researched and simple.

And most importantly, all will help you as you work to save your marriage.

Please listen, and then please implement the strategies!

Let me know how it goes and what you think by leaving a comment below.

 

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How Values Can Save (Or Destroy) Your Marriage: #38 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Save your marriage by talking about values.What happens when you and your spouse just don’t see eye-to-eye?  How do you get past it?

Perhaps the real issue is about values.  Do you and your spouse share the same values?  Or more precisely, do you and your spouse even talk about your values?

Many times, it is not a matter of values not matching, but of not understanding how your spouse expresses a value.

Or perhaps you believe you and your spouse share the same values, but never really clarified what you mean by the values each of you claim.

This week, I interview one of my very talented Relationship Coaches, Terri Hase, on how to get to the bottom of the values question.

Join Terri and me as we discuss values and how important they are in a marriage.  Oh, and if you want to contact Terri, you can find her at [email protected]

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

 

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The Power of The 4 P’s: #37 How To Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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You may be familiar with my 3 C’s of working on your marriage.  Today, we make a shift and look at the 4 P’s of maintaining your mindset and approach.

How do you save your marriage when you keep getting pulled off balance by the actions (or inactions) of your spouse?  You stick with the 4 P’s.  You shift your mindset to see that this can take some time, that you need to keep on moving forward, but thoughtfully.

“How” you ask?  By focusing on the 4 P’s.  Let me tell you about them in this week’s podcast.

Let me know how YOU stick with the 4 P’s in the comments area below.

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Are You Playing Mind Games. . . With Yourself?: #36 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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how to save your marriage and end your mind game.Mind games.  We all play them.  But what if you are playing the BIGGEST mind game with yourself?

I have news for you:  you are!  I know, because I often do the same thing.  In fact, not recognizing this important fact almost cost me my life!

There is a simple solution that can give you more peace and quiet in your life.  And the best part is that it is entirely under your control.

I want to tell you about the 3 steps to stopping this mind game, and then the 2 extra “fail safe” strategies, if those steps are not entirely successful.

You think yourself into difficulties and you can’t think your way out.  But there is a solution.

Please listen to the podcast (free audio) and let me know what you think.  You can leave comments just below.

 

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