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can’t control my emotions

Don’t Let Emotions Choose…
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Don't let your emotions determine the outcome of your marriage.It’s a false belief in our culture that we need to “trust our gut” and “follow our emotions.”  Emotions change.  Feelings shift.  And we can’t even say what our emotions are, much of the time.

Sure, you can feel an emotion.  But tell me what it is?  What it means?  Why it is there right now… and might be gone in 5 minutes?  Or tomorrow?

Let’s be clear:  a hurting marriage is painful.  Conflict is tough.  Not connecting with someone close to you is frustrating.  But does that mean that it is time to give up and walk away?  What if your emotions are all over the place, making you feel like you need to give up and walk away.

Is that a reason to give up?

Notice:  “feel like” is seen as a “reason.”

Many people tell me they just need to “follow their emotions.”  I remind them that there is a group of people who do this… children — around 3 years old!  Because they think that the emotion is truth.  They are angry, so they throw a fit.  5 minutes later, the anger is gone, so they are happy to play.  Until the next upheaval.

Part of maturity is recognizing that emotions are temporal.  And we don’t have to react to an emotion.  We can choose our response.

Especially around things like marriage.  Important things.

Listen to this podcast episode to learn more.

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How To Stop Reacting
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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StopReactingIt can be habit.  You see that look or hear a comment, you hear a raised voice or see something that makes you wonder.  And you react.

And your reaction only causes further problems.

Reactions are “knee-jerk.”  They are rarely thought-out, and almost always counter-productive.

And the next time, it happens again.

You are stuck in “Reactive Soup,” as I call it.

While the behavior is understandable, it is not likely to be getting you anywhere you want to be.  It is likely NOT helping your relationship.  And it probably leaves you frustrated with yourself (unless you are still stuck blaming your spouse).

Oh, sure, you could rationalize why this isn’t your fault and why it isn’t your problem.

But it is.

Only you can make a change.  Your reactions are not getting you where you want to get, so let’s get them changed.

Listen below to learn why you react, and how to stop.

 

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